


The Long Way Home

by VR_Trakowski



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, post-TRoS fix-it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29234478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VR_Trakowski/pseuds/VR_Trakowski
Summary: In the aftermath of Exegol, Ben and Rey are divided by misunderstandings.  It will take time and danger for them to work things out...The cold numbed him from the inside out, and Ben forced himself to think it through.  If...if she regrets it...Well, then, he would have to accept that.  You shouldn’t have expected anything else, he told himself.  What are you to her but an old enemy?  One who hunted her, taunted her, killed her friends and her mentors.  You tried to kill her.Ben rubbed his stinging eyes with the heel of his hand.  Turning your back on the Dark Side doesn’t make you a hero.  It just makes you twice the traitor.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 17
Kudos: 87
Collections: To Find Your Kiss: The Reylo Fanfiction Anthology's Valentine's Day Exchange





	The Long Way Home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [reylotrash711](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reylotrash711/gifts).



> For reylotrash711 - I hope it works for you!
> 
> Many, many thanks to thebigreylotheory for betaing this monster. Any errors are my ignoring their excellent advice.
> 
> ETA: I have corrected a major oops and a couple of minor ones (seriously, D-O was _hiding_ ). If you read this before 2-17-21, the text has now changed slightly here and there. Sorry about that! I really shouldn't edit when I'm exhausted...

“We have to get out of here!” 

Someone was shaking him, and it _hurt_. Ben forced his eyes open. 

Rey leaned over him, eyes wide and wild, and he wanted to reach up, cup her face in his hand, but he couldn’t lift his arm that far. The hard ground beneath him was shaking alarmingly, and the crash and rumble of noise around them was incredible. _What,_ he tried to say, and failed. 

_Everything_ hurt; Ben’s leg was a bar of sick fire attached to his hip, and his breath caught ominously every time he inhaled. But none of it mattered, because Rey was _alive_ , alive again - not limp and cold in his arms, but breathing, bleeding - wait - _bleeding -_

Ben coughed, winced, and forced his voice to work. “You’re hurt.” 

She blinked at him, then glanced around, brow wrinkling with alarm. “Ben, this whole place is falling apart. We have to _go_!” 

It was a struggle to remember exactly where they were; his mind was fogged with pain and exhaustion. _Exegol._

“The Emperor,” he managed, and Rey shook her head. 

“He’s - gone.” She tugged at his arm, and Ben sat up slowly, biting his lip at the resurgence of pain. He was used to pain, could even use it to fuel his power, but he’d never been so damaged before - 

Rey slid an arm around him, urging him to stand. “Can you walk?” 

The answer was _not really,_ but she got him to his feet anyway. Ben managed to muffle his grunts, but when he was upright most of his weight was still on Rey. “What’s the noise?” he forced out between gritted teeth. 

“The First Order fleet. It’s falling.” She steadied him as they wobbled. “I hope Luke’s ship is still there...” 

_**Luke’s** ship? How the hell did she get that? _Ben wondered absurdly as they moved forward in an awkward shuffle. The X-wing he’d seen on the way in was as out of date as the TIE he’d managed to scavenge on Kef Bir, but he hadn’t recognized it. 

The journey out was a nightmare, and Ben nearly lost his grip on his balance multiple times, and on his consciousness at least twice. But Rey kept him on his feet, strong and determined, and he leaned on her without shame. The bond between them was closed - whether from exhaustion or because its purpose was served, he didn’t know - but Rey was _there_ , pressed against his side. 

Ben wasn’t sure how exactly they got back to ground level; he grayed out for a bit, though somehow Rey didn’t let him fall. The noise and tremors were even worse, and as they got to the edge of the monolith that hovered over the Sith pit, Ben could see the ruined Star Destroyers literally falling out of the sky. It was an awesome sight, and a terrifying one. 

But, by some luck or the Force itself, nothing had hit their fighters. Rey picked up their pace as best she could, and Ben bit his cheek until his mouth filled with blood and tried to keep up. 

It wasn’t until they were staring at the X-wing’s cockpit, a couple of feet over Ben’s head, that it occurred to him. “I don’t think there’s enough room for both of us.” 

Rey actually growled. “There will be.” 

She helped him sit down on the quivering ground. It took her three tries to jump high enough to catch hold of the chassis, and it made Ben ache even more to see how tired she was, but once she had a grip Rey pulled herself up and popped the canopy, poking around inside the cockpit for a long moment. 

Ben watched, wondering with a head hazy with pain how she planned to get _him_ up there. He didn’t think he had enough strength left to climb, and there were no boarding ladders here. 

“Okay,” Rey said, straightening and then flinching as an enormous chunk of metal slammed into the ground not too far away. “I think this’ll work.” 

She dropped back down to the ground, landing heavily, and bent over him with a frown, pressing a hard palm to Ben’s face. He wanted to nuzzle into it, but everything was getting fuzzy. 

“Ben. _Ben!”_ Rey crouched down. “Stay with me.” 

“Trying,” he mumbled, and she said something in Crolute that would peel paint. 

“Look, there was this thing in the texts - let me try it - “ 

He’d let her do anything she wanted. Both hands were cupping his skull now, and he could feel the Force stirring around them, weak but present. 

Darkness swirled up around him, gentle and inexorable, and Ben let go. 

* * *

Lifting off without colliding with a falling ship was _easy_ , compared to the hours just past. Rey made the jump to hyperspace with the sense of shedding some clinging foulness, and looked down at the dark weight that rested on her thigh. 

_I don’t really know what happened. But...we’re alive..._

She wept a little, then, hand buried in Ben’s hair; the tears trickled out from under the too-large goggles and were absorbed by her filthy tunic. The hibernation technique she’d read about in one battered Jedi volume had worked; Ben’s heart rate and breathing were so slow as to be terrifying, but the ebb of his life force had ceased. They had time to get to help. 

_If I can find any._

Exhaustion caught up with Rey quickly, and she pulled off the helmet and rested her head back against the seat, closing her eyes just to rest them. 

She didn’t wake until the alarm sounded for exiting hyperspace; Rey barely had time to refasten the helmet before the X-wing shot back into normal space. Ajan Kloss loomed overhead, and Rey could see vessels sinking into atmosphere, the fleet - what was left of it - coming home. 

She swallowed hard, and followed. 

There were so many faces missing in the crowd when she landed, so many tears among the smiles, but there was still elation in the air. Rey climbed down and made her way through all the people, exchanging hellos, stopping to greet BB-8; but in the forefront of her mind was the unconscious man hidden in the X-wing. It was almost like a dream to see Finn and Poe and Chewie amidst the crowd, but the surge of joy she felt to know they were well, if not entirely whole, made Rey’s tears brim over again. 

Their arms wrapped around her was like water in the midst of thirst. Her fear for Ben didn’t lessen, but Rey no longer felt so _alone._

“You _did_ it,” Poe said, when they could bear to release one another. “You defeated him!” 

“I had help,” Rey said, then shook her head at his puzzled look. “I...I’ll explain later, I need to see Chewie.” 

“Of course.” Finn gave her another quick hug. “We’ll catch up later.” 

“I’ll bring snacks,” Poe said cheerfully, slinging his unwounded arm around Finn, and Rey had to laugh a little, almost surprised that she still could. 

Chewie’s hug lifted Rey off her feet. She clung to him for a long moment, listening to his low croon of relief, and smiled against his fur. “I’m glad to see you too.” 

_“What happened?”_ he asked. _“Are you all right?”_

“Not really,” Rey said honestly as he set her back down. “And...I need your help.” 

_“Of course.”_

She led him back to Luke’s X-wing, glad that the crowd was beginning to move away from the landing field. “It’s hard to explain,” Rey said as they reached it. “But I brought someone back with me.” 

Chewbacca gave her a skeptical look, then climbed up the side of the fighter as if it were a ladder. His bark of surprise when he peered behind the seat made Rey look around nervously, but the noise of celebration was loud enough to cover it. 

Chewie muttered something Rey didn’t catch, then raised his voice in a crisp order. _“Get one of the suit packs from the infirmary. I’ll take him to the_ Falcon _.”_

Rey nodded, and dashed off - or tried to. A fast walk was all she could manage despite her nap, and her vision was starting to waver at the edges. 

The infirmary was busy, full of members of the Ground Team, and Rey spotted both Jannah and Finn moving among them. But one advantage of being the last of the Jedi was that when Rey asked for a bacta suit pack, it was given without question. 

“You need a checkup yourself,” one of the doctors said, catching Rey’s arm with a frown. The tall woman looked her over. “You’re not in good shape.” 

“It can wait,” Rey said. The woman’s frown didn’t lighten, but someone called for her, and she released Rey and turned away. Rey slipped out of the infirmary, biting her lip at some of the injuries she saw but unable to stop long enough to speak to any of the wounded. 

_It’s not like I can help right now,_ she told herself guiltily. _I’m not a medic._

And Ben needed her. 

The _Falcon_ sat by itself at the edge of the landing field, far from the celebrations. D-O found her as she started up the ramp. “You are back! H-h-happy!” 

Rey paused, unable to keep from smiling down at the little droid. “It’s good to see you,” she told him. “But I’m very busy right now.” 

D-O wheeled around her. “I can help.” 

Rey bit back the automatic refusal. _Never underestimate a droid._ “Can you keep a secret?” she asked instead. “Even from BB-8?” Because BB-8, like most astromechs, was an inveterate gossip. 

D-O cocked his head to look up at her. “Good secret or b-bad secret?” 

“Definitely a good secret.” The wariness in D-O’s tone made her suspect he had been ordered to keep more than one bad thing to himself. 

“Yes. I can.” D-O rocked back and forth as if to emphasize his words, and Rey nodded. 

“Come on then.” She led him up the ramp and into the _Falcon_ , following Chewbacca’s low voice to the single bunkroom. Then she stopped on the threshold, flushing, because Chewie had already removed most of Ben’s clothing, leaving him only in undershorts. 

That was the first glimpse; then Rey took in the abrasions and bruises mottling his skin, and the heat of embarrassment fled before cold fear. She held out the suit pack to Chewie. “Will - “ She hesitated. “Will it be enough?” 

Chewie muttered something she didn’t understand, then raised his voice slightly. _“I’m not sure. His breathing is very slow.”_

“Oh - “ Rey grimaced. “It’s a Jedi thing, to keep him - keep him alive - “ 

Chewie regarded her thoughtfully. _“I see. Help me get him into the suit.”_

The next moments were _extremely_ peculiar. Rey had seen bare bodies before, both living and dead, but never anyone she cared about, and certainly no one she was attracted to. Helping Chewbacca draw the suit around Ben felt more like a violation than doing it for a stranger, and she tried not to pay attention to the details of his form. It seemed unfair, somehow. 

Fortunately, perhaps, it didn’t take long; Chewbacca had clearly handled a bacta suit before, and within minutes Ben was encased in it, even his head. Chewie flipped on the rebreather and straightened, chuffing. _“Can you release him from the trance?”_

Rey nodded. It was an effort to center herself enough to reach for the Force and draw back the veil she’d wrapped around Ben, but in the end the suit’s pulse monitor sped up to a reassuring level beep. Chewie nodded. 

_“That should help. He’ll be a while healing, but Solos are tough.”_

Rey stared down at Ben’s face, mostly obscured behind the breath mask, and felt her fear release all at once, like a bowknot coming loose. It loosened her knees as well, and she staggered, wobbling, until a broad arm caught her around the waist. 

_“You should probably be in one too,”_ Chewie admonished dryly, and picked Rey up entirely, carrying her out of the room and into the next to deposit her on an empty bunk. “ _Stay **there**.” _

Things got blurry after that. Chewie brought her a cup and made her drink the contents, but the only thing that was clear was her need to get back to the other room to make sure Ben was all right. An exasperated growl promised that Ben would be moved into her room if she would only _lie down_. 

Rey gave in, but only because she couldn’t keep her eyes open even with the Force. And after that, it was sleep, and the oddest dreams she’d ever had. 

* * *

Ben drifted. 

On some level, he knew what was happening to him. He’d been in bacta before, and the best thing to do was simply to relax and let it do its work. If he was damaged enough to need full immersion, then he was probably sedated, and fighting that would be pointless. 

Sometimes he could hear someone singing - more with his mind, he thought, than his ears - soft and not quite on key, simple melancholy tunes he didn’t know. Ben couldn’t remember the last time he’d heard someone singing; it was soothing, as if he were small again and his caretaker was trying to get him to sleep. 

Other times bright visions danced across the insides of his eyelids, and he would swear they belonged to someone else. Shining cliffs of metal hot enough to sear flesh, dark water rushing with bubbles, a thud of drums and elated shouts. None of it alarming; simply impressions, brief but vivid. 

His subconscious was listening for something; every so often he became aware that it was, but he couldn’t remember _what_ he was expecting. As soon as he focused on the sensation it dissolved, and he didn’t have enough cohesion to pursue the thought. 

He only knew that he missed it. 

* * *

When he opened his eyes properly at last, a familiar sight met his eyes - one he had never expected to see again. Ben tried to lift a hand to touch the underside of the _Falcon’s_ upper bunk above him, but his arm barely twitched. 

The near-paralysis didn’t alarm him; his mind was still too blurred with whatever had been used to sedate him, and Ben recognized the drained feeling of an extensive bacta healing. The stuff could repair a lot, but the body still had to rebuild its energy. 

He let his eyes fall shut. _Rey must be nearby_. Ben supposed that somehow she’d brought him to the _Falcon,_ but he had no idea where the ship itself was. _Could be anywhere in the galaxy, I guess._ The engines were silent, at least, so they weren’t on the move. 

He reached for the bond, but it was still closed - or gone. Its absence made something deep inside him whine in alarm, but the drug in his system kept it from blowing up into panic. _She has to be here -_

Ben opened his eyes again and managed to turn his head, expecting Chewbacca, or an empty room. Instead he saw a small woman he didn’t know sitting on a crate next to his bunk, squinting at a very battered bound volume that Ben slowly recognized as one of Luke’s old Jedi texts. The woman’s lips were pursed in an extremely dubious expression; she had black hair and the muscles of someone who worked hard, and Ben thought vaguely that she was probably Resistance. 

_Is there a Resistance any more? I doubt there’s much left to resist._

That thought troubled him much less than he might have expected. He’d made his choice, fully and finally; there would be no turning back. 

The woman looked up from the text and met his eyes, and blinked; she snapped the volume shut and set it on the floor. “You’re awake?” 

His throat was too dry to form words, Ben discovered, and gave her a cautious nod instead. She regarded him for a long moment, then pulled a commlink from her overalls pocket. “Chewie? He just woke up.” 

Her voice was low, and when Ben glanced around he saw that the bunk on the opposite wall was occupied. There wasn’t much visible outside the blanket besides a spill of brown hair, but he _knew_ that form in a way that had very little to do with sight. Alarmed, he sat up. 

Or tried to; instead his body spasmed and he almost fell out of the bunk. The woman swore vilely and grabbed him, shoving him back onto the worn mattress with practiced strength. _“Rey,”_ he managed, though _is she okay_ devolved into a croak. 

_“Shush,”_ the woman said sharply. “She needs to rest.” 

She put a heavy hand on Ben’s chest, giving him a stern look, and he held still; he didn’t have any choice, actually. The attempt to rise had taken about all the energy he had. 

The woman reached down next to the crate and came up with a bulb of water, and slid an arm behind his shoulders to prop him up enough to drink safely. He sipped carefully, trying not to overwhelm his parched throat. 

When she let him down, Ben licked his lips. “Thank you.” 

It was hardly more than a whisper, but the woman gave him a nod, looking calmer. “Who are you?” he added. 

“I’m Rose.” She looked him over, gaze sharp. “What’s your name? Rey’s barely said a word about you.” 

Ben wanted to frown at that, but his face felt half-numb. “I’m...Ben.” 

When he said nothing more her brows went up. “Hm. Well - “ 

_“You’re among the living.”_

The low rumble from the door made Ben flinch. Rose glanced between him and Chewbacca, and stood. 

“I’ll get out of your way. You need anything, Chewie?” 

Chewbacca shook his head, and Rose slid past him and out the door. 

Chewie shut it behind her, and turned back to pin Ben with a cool stare. Ben thought about feigning sleep, but that hadn’t worked when he was eight and he didn’t think it would work now, so he simply waited. 

Chewie made a soft _hmmph_ sound and folded himself onto the crate, somehow managing not to look ludicrous despite his knees reaching almost to his chest. _“Tell me what happened.”_

There was no refusing that firm order, or the dark eyes that - for some reason - were withholding judgment. Ben didn’t have the energy to explain everything, but he told Chewie the essentials, what had happened on the _Supremacy,_ on Kef Bir, on Exegol. 

Exhaustion forced his eyes closed when he’d finished, listening wearily to Chewbacca’s slow breaths and wondering what his uncle would do. One bark and he could bring the wrath of the Resistance down on Ben’s deserving head, and Ben couldn’t even find it within himself to protest. _As long as they leave Rey alone..._

 _“Was it you who ordered my interrogation?”_

The flat question had Ben trying to sit up, and failing again; he managed to get up on one elbow. “What? No! When?” 

Chewbacca eyed him without amusement. _“On board your ship. When the troopers took me on Pasaana.”_

Ben collapsed back down onto his back, wincing as his injuries throbbed. “You were on board? I thought - “ He squeezed his eyes shut. “Pryde told me they’d taken a prisoner, but he never said who.” 

He swallowed, his throat dry and rasping again. Chewie produced another water bulb; this time Ben was able to drink it by himself, though his hands shook. 

_“My weapons were in your quarters,”_ Chewie said when Ben finished, and Ben felt himself flush a little. 

_Well, why would he believe me?_ he thought.And, _So **that’s** why she was there..._

“They knew who you were?” At Chewie’s nod, Ben grimaced. 

“It would be just like Hux to do that. Have me find them, when it was too late.” He met Chewie’s gaze straight on. “I would have held you. Sent you to a prison planet, even. But - not that.” 

He knew the First Order’s interrogation techniques; it was why he preferred going directly into someone’s mind. It could be just as painful, but it didn’t _ruin_. 

And he could no more have condemned his uncle to that than he had been able to fire the killing shot on his mother’s ship. 

Chewbacca regarded him for another long moment, and Ben couldn’t begin to guess what was going through his head. Of all the people in the galaxy, Ben thought dizzily, Chewie was perhaps best suited to judge him, having been there from the very beginning of Ben’s life. He _knew_. 

Chewbacca sighed. _“If it were up to me I would send you out to work out your penance alone,_ ” he said, though with the faintest thread of humor. _“But incurring a Jedi’s wrath is never wise.”_

He stood, bending a little to see past the top bunk. _“Stay here. No one else knows you’re here, but you would not be safe in the camp. Too many people know your face.”_

“I’m not up to going anywhere,” Ben said. His vision was starting to waver, and he pressed his eyes shut, trying not to feel abandoned. 

Chewie’s hand landed on his arm, squeezing gently before letting go, and Ben felt the prickle of tears as the door slid open and then shut again. 

* * *

Ben was sleeping. 

Rey sat next to his bunk, and just watched. It was the middle of the night cycle, and she really should have been sleeping herself, but nagging worry had dragged her awake. 

He looked better, at least; the last couple of days had been a jumble of work and meetings and trying to recover, and Rey had barely had time to check on him, let alone hover the way she wanted to. Only the knowledge that Chewie was keeping an eye on him had kept her from panic. 

And at some point Ben had healed enough for the bacta suit to be removed. He was wearing a soft tunic now, though the blanket drawn up to his shoulders hid most of it. 

He was lying on his back, head turned awkwardly to one side, frowning a little in his sleep. She’d never seen him sleep; their strange bond had only ever connected them when they were awake. Rey wanted to smooth away the crease between his brows, stroke the hair from his face, and it was such a _strange_ desire. She was fairly used to hugs by now, but casually touching people was not something she had learned how to do. 

_And I just - kissed him._ Her face heated at the thought - she remembered delight, but beneath that was a creeping sense of shame. _I didn’t even ask first._

Other memories crowded her mind, Finn grabbing her over and over, Plutt’s too-tight grip on her arm, groping hands she’d had to avoid in the Niima market. Ben hadn’t seemed to _mind,_ but - still. 

_I’ll apologize when he wakes up._

And he was going to wake up, eventually. Chewie had said he had already, though not for long. 

Rey sighed and rubbed at the mending cut on her forehead. The base’s bacta supplies were running low; she’d taken so much for Ben that Rey felt too guilty to use it for the scrapes and bruises she’d sustained. _Not that he didn’t deserve it. But I’m healing fine without it._

Their situation wasn’t sustainable, Rey knew that. Chewie had changed the _Falcon’s_ lock codes, but sooner or later someone was going to wonder _why_. Rey knew Rose wouldn’t give them away unless she thought their mystery guest was a danger, but at the same time Ben couldn’t stay hidden forever. _We’re going to need to come up with some kind of plan._

Rey knew that Finn didn’t retain much memory of his fight with Kylo Ren. And no one else in the Resistance knew what he’d looked like beneath the mask - as far as Rey was aware. 

_I know he fought with Master Luke’s projection on Crait, but nobody was close enough to see him clearly. And Finn and Jannah were too far away on Kef Bir. I hope._ Would it be possible to give him a new identity, a new history? They could say he was a First Order soldier who’d turned his cloak and helped Rey in her fight against the Emperor, and saved her life. 

_It would even be true. Mostly_. 

She didn’t know what they were going to do next. In fact, Rey realized, she knew very little about the man sleeping in the bunk. They had shared that soul-deep moment of _connection_ , but she had absolutely no idea what Ben might want to do now that he was free of the First Order. 

_For all I know he might just want to leave. Go find somewhere that’s safe._

The thought physically hurt, a hard lump behind her breastbone, but Rey knew she couldn’t blame him if that was his choice. He’d talked about the dyad, _two that are one_ , but things were different now. She couldn’t ask him to stay with her if it would put him at risk. 

Normally, Rey would fight like a rancor to keep what was _hers._ But she knew very well what it was to be held against one’s will. And she wouldn’t - _couldn’t_ \- do that to Ben. 

It was funny, almost, how she felt further from him than she had since she’d left him behind on Crait, when he was sleeping right there. Funny, and yet she couldn’t quite smile. 

Rey rubbed her head again and suppressed a sigh. _If you can’t sleep, there’s plenty to do._ Not to mention hovering over Ben’s bed like this was nearly as intrusive as kissing him without his permission had been. 

She let her hand hover over his pillow for a long moment, finally brushing an errant strand of hair from his face. _It might get in his eyes and wake him,_ she told herself guiltily. 

His slow breath didn’t change, and Rey forced herself to leave the bunkroom, closing the door as quietly as she could. She could at least work on that glitch in the _Falcon’s_ motivator before breakfast. 

* * *

_“You need to eat.”_

The order was quiet but firm. Ben stared down at the bowl in his hands; it was steaming gently, but he’d never been a fan of porridge and even the fruit puree that laced it was doing little to attract him. “I’m not really hungry.” 

Chewbacca snorted. _“Regardless.”_

He didn’t have the strength to argue. Ben put a spoonful in his mouth; it did taste all right, and he knew he had to replenish his body; bacta could work near-miracles, but it had to get energy from somewhere, and the three minutes he’d just spent in the ‘fresher had left him barely able to stand. 

The _Falcon’s_ little lounge area looked the same as it always had - slightly shabby, slightly grubby, and more like home than Ben would ever admit. He sat hunched on the long bench with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders - the medical tunic and pants were not thick - and watched his uncle warily as Chewie worked his way through a (much larger) bowl of his own. 

Ben hadn’t felt this weak in years, not since one of Snoke’s more severe punishments had left him half-dead. He’d learned to push through pain, to _use_ it, but this lassitude of mind and body was a different challenge. He had no idea what he was doing, and at the moment he couldn’t really bring himself to care. 

The only thing that truly mattered was Rey. 

Her bunk had been empty when he’d woken. Chewbacca, coming in just a few minutes later, had reassured Ben that she was fine, but it _nagged_ at him. Without the bond, he couldn’t sense her location; only the knowledge that Chewie wouldn’t lie to him - and the unreliability of his legs - was keeping him in place. 

At Chewie’s pointed look, Ben sighed and ate more of his breakfast. It _was_ making him feel better, at least, less shaky and disconnected, and there was a certain - peace - in simply sitting and eating in a quiet space. 

His head was so _empty._ It felt as though a rap on his skull would echo between his ears; there was no malevolent presence, no endless, seductive whisper. No sweet, sharp flash of light, either. 

He’d never been alone before, ever. Not like this. And while it was a relief to know his thoughts were entirely his own, Ben also felt at a loss. 

He had nothing, at the moment. No power, no plan; no weapon or ship or even clothes. His connection to the Force was still there, but he was in no shape to wield it. 

_You have Rey._

At least, he thought he did. He remembered her kiss, fierce and sustaining, her brilliant smile; and, after all, she’d brought him to safety. 

But doubt stirred, making the last few bites of porridge unpalatable. What was he, really? A failed despot with stains on his soul, a patricide, a murderer. What did he have to offer Rey? 

The clank of the hatch made Ben lift his head; footsteps sounded on the deckplate, and then Rey stepped into the room. 

She looked worried, he noticed, but the thought was promptly shoved to the back of his mind when her eyes sought his. Their gazes met and - 

It was a soundless explosion, the bond flaring back to life with a painful intensity that had Ben dropping his spoon and Rey groping for the wall. A wave of emotion crashed over him, too chaotic to sort out - It was too much, far too fast, and Ben shut it out in reflex, feeling Rey do the same. 

Chewbacca snorted and made to rise, but Rey shot him a pleading look before turning back to Ben. She halted a few feet away from him, hands twisting together, and he was torn between the desire to gather her up and soothe her, and the urge to slide to his knees and beg her forgiveness for everything he’d done. 

“How are you doing?” Rey said, voice thin. 

Ben set his bowl carefully on the hologram board. “Better. Thank you,” he added stiltedly, fumbling to open the bond again and failing. “Are...are you all right?” 

“I’m fine.” She clearly wasn’t, but her visible hurts were mostly healed. “Look, about what happened on Exegol - the, um, when I kissed you - “ 

Rey faltered, and ice drenched him from head to foot. 

_She regrets it._

It was strange; he’d never expected to feel this way again, as stunned as if a length of plasma had slid through his ribcage, too gravely wounded to sense the pain. 

“It - it’s okay,” he heard himself say, the words stiff but clear. Anything, anything to wipe that distressed look from her face. “It’s - just forget it.” 

“I - are you sure?” Rey bit her lip, brows drawing down, and Ben forced himself to nod. 

“Don’t worry. I get it.” _No, no,_ his heart was crying, but he ignored it. It had been the heat of the moment, she’d just come back from the _dead_ , whatever had moved her to kiss him had been - 

“I - “ Rey said, looking stricken, but before she could continue the hatch clanked again, and more footsteps approached, moving quickly. Chewie frowned, but before he could say anything two men rounded the corner, arguing. 

“Look, I told you,” one of them was saying, and Ben flinched, because he recognized both of them. _Dameron. And the traitor._

_“I thought I locked the hatch,”_ Chewbacca said, scowl deepening, and Dameron frowned back at him. 

“Yeah, what’s that about? I had to get BB-8 to open it.” 

An electronic shriek echoed around the little room as an astromech droid rolled past Dameron’s knees. The traitor swore as it nearly knocked him down, arrowing towards Ben with a sharp-looking appendage rising out of its casing. 

_“Stop!”_ Rey flung out a hand, but it was the tiny droid shooting in from the repair bay that shoved the astromech off course. The two droids spun around one another, screeching in binary far too fast for Ben to understand. Rey was shouting, Dameron was shouting, the traitor was shouting, and Ben seriously considered bolting, except he wasn’t sure he could stand without falling over, let alone actually run. 

The sudden bellow made everyone’s ears ring. Silence fell, and even the droids halted as everyone looked at Chewie, who gave them all a disgusted look. _“Worse than mykal, the lot of you.”_

Dameron looked around, blinked, and hooked a thumb at Ben. “Who’s that?” 

_“A long story.”_ Chewbacca rose and pulled Ben gently to his feet. _“One that needs to rest. Rey, you had better explain.”_

The two men looked as if they wanted to protest, but no one stands in a Wookiee’s way, and Ben found himself bundled past them and into the bunkroom. 

“But - Rey - “ he protested, and Chewie shook his head. 

_“Let her settle the matter. She’ll be back.”_

Ben sat down on his bunk before his knees could give way. He reached for Rey along the bond, but all he could feel was worry and a tinge of guilt. 

Guilt, as if for doing something she hadn’t meant to. 

The cold numbed him from the inside out, and Ben forced himself to think it through. _If...if she regrets it..._

Well, then, he would have to accept that. _You shouldn’t have expected anything else,_ he told himself. _What are you to her but an old enemy? One who hunted her, taunted her, killed her friends and her mentors. You tried to kill **her**. _

Ben rubbed his stinging eyes with the heel of his hand. _Turning your back on the Dark Side doesn’t make you a hero. It just makes you twice the traitor._

Yes, he’d done the right thing in the end. But it was so _little_ , compared to the long list of his sins. _This is more than you deserve. Don’t you dare complain._

The bond was still there; even if she never let it open again, _Rey_ was still there. He would treat her with the respect she had always deserved, and maybe - someday - she might let them be friends. 

He would be content with that. 

Ben told himself that, over and over. He settled his shoulders against the bulkhead, determined to wait until she came in. _I won’t sleep yet._

But like everything else in his life just then, his body didn’t cooperate. 

* * *

“Is _he_ what you’ve been hiding in here all this time?” Poe twisted around to watch Chewie help Ben down the corridor, and Rey pinched the bridge of her nose, reflecting that no security was idiot-proof. “How come?” 

Rey looked down at the droids. BB-8 was grumbling, but D-O raised his head. “I g-got this,” he told Rey, and all but shoved BB-8 out of the room. Rey hesitated, but didn’t follow. _I have to deal with the others._

She glanced at Finn, who was frowning deeply. “He looks kind of familiar.” 

“Resistance?” Poe turned back to Finn, brows going up, and Rey held her breath as Finn shook his head. 

“No...First Order maybe. One of those vague things, you know?” He gestured at his own head. “What’s his name?” 

Rey licked her lips. _How many can there be in the galaxy?_ “Ben.” 

No flicker of recognition passed over either man’s face, so she took a deep breath and pulled together the threads of the thin story she’d only started to evolve. “He, um, he was First Order. _Was_.” 

Finn looked her up and down, then took her elbow in a light grip and directed her to the seat Ben had just left. “You don’t look too good,” he said kindly. “Take your time, okay?” 

Rey nodded and rested her hands on the holo display, organizing her thoughts. _Keep it simple._ “Remember what I told you about...about Exegol?” 

Finn took a seat at the other end of the long bench, while Poe leaned against one bulkhead with his arms folded. “You didn’t say much at all,” he said, the words light though his expression was wary. 

It was still hard to talk about. “I told you I fought the Emperor, but I didn’t tell you I had help. Ben was the help.” And it was ridiculous to pack all that down into one sentence, the fear and the sudden hope, the shining glorious moment of unity, the crushing weight of despair and horror, the weird peace of victory. “He _was_ First Order, but he...changed his mind. He came down to the surface - with nothing but a blaster - and he saved my life.” 

Rey pulled in a breath, let it out slow and careful. “Without him I’d be dead.” _Still_ dead, and that was something she couldn’t think about, not yet. 

“Then we owe him,” Finn said simply, reaching out to take her hand, and she squeezed his fingers gratefully. 

“But why hide him?” Poe asked, uncrossing his arms and picking up Ben’s half-empty bowl and a clean spoon. 

Finn rolled his eyes. “Because he was _First Order_ , laserbrains. You figured someone might recognize him, try to enact a little personal vengeance?” he asked Rey. 

Since he was exactly right, Rey nodded. Finn let her go, leaning back in his seat. 

“I don’t blame him. He had to be fairly high rank, easy to identify. You might as well keep him here until he’s better anyway, just to be on the safe side.” 

“What makes you think he’s an officer?” Poe said around a mouthful of porridge. 

“He’s too tall for a Stormtrooper. I swear I have seen him before; might have been on the _Supremacy._ ” 

Poe scraped the spoon across the bottom of the bowl, looking torn. “If he was Command-level...he might be outside the general amnesty.” 

_“I’ll stand for him.”_ Chewie’s quiet statement had them all turning to see him in the doorway. _“Let this one go, General.”_

“That’s not making me feel any better.” Poe looked across at Finn, who shook his head and lifted both hands. 

“Look, if Chewie _and_ the last of the Jedi are vouching for him, there’s no point in arguing.” 

Poe set the empty bowl down. “All right, all right. This isn’t what we came here for, anyway. You both missed this morning’s meeting, and Rey, there’s reports of a station that’s been taken over by Sith cultists out in Sector Nine. D’you think you can handle that?” 

That was _not_ how Rey had planned to spend the next several days, but - “How big a station?” she asked weakly. 

“Zone monitor, so you’ll need a ship with firepower.” Poe rubbed the back of his head. “I hate to ask it of you, but - “ 

“I can go,” Finn started, eyeing Rey worriedly, but Chewie cut in. 

_“You’re needed here. The **Falcon** and I can handle it.”_

“You’ll need a third...” Poe’s eyes went vague, obviously running through personnel lists. 

_“Our guest can fill in.”_ Chewbacca ignored Rey’s glance his way. _“He’ll be well enough by then.”_

“Is this okay?” Finn asked, still looking concerned. Rey shrugged. 

“I can do it. It’ll take, what, almost two days to get there? Maybe we’ll get lucky and they’ll have moved on.” 

It wasn’t like she could argue much anyway; if there really were Sith cultists on the station, it would take a Jedi to deal with them - that, or overwhelming firepower, and none of the heavy cruisers currently on base were in shape for it. And for some reason, Chewbacca had decided that this was a good idea. 

_At least it’ll get Ben out of sight for a few days..._

“All right then.” Poe clapped Chewie on the arm. “First thing tomorrow, then. Finn, you coming?” 

He disappeared into the corridor, with Chewbacca following. _“A word with you, General, about locked doors,”_ drifted back, followed by an _“Ow!”_

Finn and Rey looked at each other, and started giggling. “I _told_ him to just come back later,” Finn said. 

He pushed to his feet, looking almost as weary as Rey felt. “We’ve barely seen you since...” He waved a hand skyward. “Do you need to talk?” 

Rey felt a rush of affection for him, threaded with sadness, because there was no way to explain everything that had happened - not and have him believe her, at least about Ben. “Maybe later,” she said. “I - need time.” 

“Don’t we all.” He scrubbed a hand over his face, and Rey was reminded that he’d been through a battle of his own, even if he’d gotten off more lightly than she had. “Things should calm down soon. I hope.” 

“I can use the break,” Rey admitted. 

“We’ll see you when you get back, then.” Finn opened his arms, and Rey stepped into them for a hug. _That_ , she liked. 

When Finn was gone, Rey went in search of the droids. D-O had herded BB-8 into the repair bay; the two were still arguing, to judge by the volley of beeps and squeaks, but the debate broke off as Rey stepped into the bay. 

“The secret is s-safe,” D-O told her, wheeling back from BB-8. He sounded sterner than she’d ever heard him, and Rey had to wonder where such determination had come from in a droid so timid. 

Rey dropped to her knees. BB-8 rolled up slowly, obviously still upset, and Rey lifted a hand to straighten his stubbornly skewed antenna. 

_“Why?”_ he whistled. _“He is the enemy. He hurt **Poe**.”_

“I know.” Rey smoothed the bent metal with careful fingers, reminding herself yet again that she really needed to scrounge a new one for him. “But...he’s sorry. And he’s not the enemy anymore.” 

It was one of the few certainties she had, bone-deep and unshakeable. Rey looked directly into BB-8’s visual sensor. “He has to stay a secret.” 

BB-8’s twitter was more a grumble than actual words. _“Why?”_ he asked again. 

Rey let her hand drop to her lap, choosing her own words carefully. “Because he needs to make up for what he’s done. And if people find out who he is, he won’t be able to.” 

Which was really the smallest part of it all, but true enough, and the most likely thing BB-8 could understand. The astromech’s loyalty was legendary among the Resistance; he was perfectly capable of violating orders from anyone but Poe, if he felt like it. 

BB-8 rocked back and forth, clearly torn, before whistling sadly and allowing his dome to slip forward in acquiescence. Rey patted him gently. “Thank you,” she whispered. 

He beeped at her and rolled out. Rey watched him go, then held out her hand, all but holding her breath as D-O scooted cautiously closer. One fingertip brushed his casing, and Rey smiled. 

“Thank you, too,” she said. 

“I like you,” D-O replied, quiet in the empty bay, and for a little while they simply rested in silence. 

* * *

Ben woke to the hum of a working hyperspace drive, and one so familiar he could all but harmonize with it. He lay still for a while, still tired and aching, and tried idly to guess whether the drive needed a tune-up from the variation in the tone; but eventually he had to conclude that someone had been looking after the old ship. 

_Chewie, probably._

His mind no longer shied away from the thought of his father’s death, though it was still far too painful to dwell on. His uncle had been treating him with dispassionate kindness, clearly still angry but willing to set it aside for the moment. Ben knew he didn’t deserve the consideration, but was grateful all the same. No one had been _kind_ to him in so very long. 

Except for Rey. 

When Ben had woken the night before, she was gone; called away by her duties, Chewie had told him, though she’d wanted to see Ben. And now they were on a mission that Ben found frankly worrying, not that he had any right to an opinion. _Sith cultists are no easy fight._

He wondered what Rey was doing now. Two days in hyperspace was a lot of time, though she might just be resting. He _hoped_ she was resting. 

It wasn’t that he minded being drafted as support - if it helped her, Ben was willing to do anything. It was that he wasn’t sure how much use he could be in his weakened state. 

But nothing would solve that, except time. 

When his stomach started complaining, Ben made himself get up. It was a good sign to have an appetite, he supposed. Dressing was easy since he only had one set of tunic and trousers, a trifle too short at wrist and ankle, and he padded out to the galley to rummage, tearing open a packet of the self-heating noodle stew that was a staple the galaxy across. It was an old familiar taste, and Ben ate it with an odd relish, unjudged and unwatched. The emptiness in his head echoed a little less, now, though the hollow feeling of loneliness - long-time companion - persisted. 

_I should see if Chewie is hungry._ Ben riffled through the packets until he found Chewbacca’s preferred flavor, pulling it out and heading down to the cockpit. 

The cramped space looked exactly the same as it had when he was small, but Ben scarcely noticed, because the form holding down the pilot’s seat was far too short for a Wookiee. 

An odd vision swept through him, there and gone in an instant - some other twist of time, some other set of chances, when he would have set a hand on the back of the seat and leaned down to kiss her, warm and familiar - 

It hurt, fading. 

Ben gulped, but her name still came out hoarse. “Rey?” 

She didn’t jump, and so he knew she’d heard him coming. Rey turned slowly to look at him over the back of the seat, eyes wide and wary. “How are you feeling?” she asked after a moment. 

“Um. Better,” he repeated, all but tongue-tied. Her presence was nearly overwhelming, even with the bond between them still bound to a trickle. _Alive, she’s alive,_ part of him was still chanting in triumph; not cold and dead in his arms. “I - I thought Chewie - “ 

She shrugged, not moving. “He’s asleep.” 

“Oh.” Ben blinked, and when he swayed Rey sprang up to guide him into the co-pilot’s seat. He sat down heavily, annoyed at his weakness but not stupid enough to argue. “You - you look better. Too.” 

Rey resumed her seat, not that there was much to do with the ship in hyperspace. “It’s...nice, not to be busy for a bit.” 

“Mm.” Ben had no idea what to actually _say_ to her, there in the quiet, with all their conflict and urgency done. _What do we do now? What does she want to do next?_

_Will she let me stay near her?_

Rey was worrying at her bottom lip, every line of her tense. “I’m sorry,” she blurted. “For - for what I did.” 

For a long second Ben didn’t know what she meant, and then memory returned and he flinched. “It’s okay,” he said, which was a blatant lie. Rey opened her mouth, and he cut across her, voice half-strangled. “Really. We - we don’t have to talk about it.” 

_Don’t. Don’t say it out loud, don’t tell me it was a mistake, I can’t bear it -_

She jerked around to stare at the console. “Okay,” she said stiffly. 

Ben wanted to howl, to tear something to pieces - to let his temper off its leash the way he had so many times before. But he wasn’t that person any longer; and in any case he was too damn _tired._

He looked down at his hands, and remembered dimly why he’d come into the cockpit in the first place. He held out the packet. “Are you hungry?” 

Rey looked at it as if he were offering her something she’d never seen before, and slowly extended a hand to take it. “Thank you,” she said, her voice thick, and Ben saw her eyes reddening. 

It broke him, the knowledge that he’d somehow made her cry. He shoved to his feet. “Welcome,” he croaked, and fled. 

The bunk was narrower than ever, but it was as familiar as the stew. Ben curled up on the thin mattress, hiding his face in his hands since he had no mask to cover it, and knew as he did so that it wasn’t rage that made him want to erupt in violence. 

It was grief. 

* * *

_I don’t know what to do_. 

Rey stared blindly out the viewport, the water in her eyes rendering everything a wavering blur. _I didn’t mean to hurt him._

But whatever reaction Ben had had to her kiss at the time - and Rey had to admit that her memory could be faulty, given that she’d just come back from _death_ \- he was clearly not comfortable with it now. In fact, he’d looked ill, as if remembering it turned his stomach. 

And yet, he’d been - _kind_. She looked down at the packet in her hands. He’d brought her _food._

Rey tore it open and waited for it to heat, then ate it with slow care. She’d learned a few things in her time with the Resistance, like how to use tableware and cleansing cloths, and the fact that if she bolted what the others considered a normal amount of food she would be sick afterwards; no one was looking now, but she tried to keep up the habit. 

And eating held her tears at bay, at least for now. 

_If he wants to...to ignore it, then that’s good. Isn’t it?_

Ben seemed to have forgiven her, at least. _Maybe we can be friends._

Friends were rare in Rey’s life; she’d had one or two when she was small, but they had died or been taken away by their adults, and until Finn there had been no others. Rey treasured her new friendships, yet - 

The terrifying, alluring _depth_ of the bond between them had been so much _more._ She’d resisted it as hard as she could, not understanding why she’d been linked to someone so abhorrent, until that one glimpse of what lay behind his eyes had made her think maybe there was hope for him. 

She’d been _right,_ too. 

But now she seemed to have spoiled it. Rey crumpled the empty container and tossed it in the waste slot, wishing bitterly that she could go back and stop herself from giving into that impulse. 

The bond between them was still mostly closed, and Rey kept tight control over her end. The last thing she wanted was to spill all her sadness and regret on him, particularly if he didn’t want to even remember what had happened. _That would just be cruel._

Rey sniffled and swiped a hand over her eyes, then forced the sadness down and turned her attention to the console. 

They still had a long way to go. 

* * *

It was a strange journey. Ben spent a large portion of it asleep, which he supposed made things less awkward. Rey treated him with wary courtesy, and he did his best to offer the same, as stiff and ridiculous as it felt; he didn’t want to upset her any more than he already had. 

His fatigue was an advantage in other ways as well. Ben hadn’t been at loose ends since he was a child, and _free time_ was a bit of a strange concept. Aside from short shifts in the cockpit, he had nothing to do - no training, no missions, no paperwork - not even anything to tinker with. The only reading material on board the _Falcon_ was some very ancient, very bad novels that Han had never admitted to loving, and Ben had read them all years before. 

Chewbacca was spending most of his off-shift time in the cargo bay, working on a portable generator he’d parked there, and Ben didn’t quite have the courage to disturb him. And what would he say, anyway? 

Ben finally fired up the holochess board and started playing against the computer, desperate for _something_ that wouldn’t tire him out. It brought back bittersweet memories of Chewie patiently naming each piece for him, chuckling when Ben grabbed at the intangible figures to watch them flicker and reform; of watching games between Chewie and Han, banter reduced to growls and snorts by years of familiarity; of his mother showing him a few tricks on the elegant solid board in her chambers, a small smile curling her lips as she explained how to spring them on an opponent. 

He’d never won a real match against either Han or Chewie; he’d been sent to Luke too soon for that, and under Snoke there were no games but the ones the Supreme Leader played with lives and souls. The simple limits of holochess were weirdly comforting by comparison, even if it was hardly the challenge it once had been. 

Rey passed through once or twice, pausing briefly to watch. Ben kept strict control of his end of the bond, not wanting any of his longing to leak through where it wasn’t wanted, but he couldn’t help wondering if she knew how to play. 

_Maybe she’d like to learn._ It was an enticing thought, sitting opposite Rey at the board and watching her expressive face as she considered moves and strategy. Ben knew he would happily concede a match if it would bring back that delighted grin, her lambent eyes. 

But before he could work up the courage to ask, they arrived. 

* * *

The zone monitoring station looked perfectly ordinary from the outside, but even from a distance Rey could sense the darkness shrouding it. It _buzzed_ with malevolence; it wasn’t the yawning void of darkness that had underlain Exegol, but it was unpleasant enough. _And that’s not just cultists._ Rey could feel the sharpness even at this distance; someone on the station was Force-sensitive. 

They’d come out of hyperspace far enough away that they’d gone unnoticed - at least, Rey _hoped_ that they had. Or, if someone was watching, they were taking the _Falcon_ for just another transport on its way to the trinary system not far off. 

Chewie was back in the co-pilot’s seat, waiting with ancient patience for Rey to decide their next move. Rey bit her lip, staring at the rather ugly spheroid, which bristled with sensors. It was armed - most such stations were, to fend off pirates and rogue asteroids - but the _Falcon_ had the edge with maneuverability. _Not much of one, though._

_“What do you think?”_ Chewbacca asked. 

Rey made a face. “There’s definitely cult members, but I can’t quite tell...” She trailed off, squinting. “I can’t tell if that’s _all_ there is.” 

Chewie huffed in understanding. _“You think they might have kept the station personnel alive?”_

“Or they might have prisoners.” She closed her eyes, but it didn’t help. “It’d be quicker to do this from here, but...” 

She didn’t _want_ to have to storm a station rife with cultists, even if there couldn’t be more than twenty or thirty lifeforms on it, and she certainly didn’t want to do it alone - but she didn’t want that slightly less than she wanted to put anyone else in harm’s way. There was a reason that Poe had sent _her_ , after all, and Ben was in no shape for a physical fight. 

“I can help.” 

The quiet words made Rey hide a flinch; she turned, keeping her expression calm. “How?” 

Ben’s jaw was tight, and his eyes didn’t quite meet hers. He held out a hand. “If we...um, together.” 

_Oh._ For an instant, she thought about refusing, but there was no good reason, and they needed to know. “All right.” 

Rey took a deep breath and reinforced her grip on their bond, and took two steps forward to put her hand in his. 

It wasn’t like any touch they’d shared before; Rey could sense that Ben was as closed off as she was, and a new wave of shame rolled through her. Still, her power rose to his, meshing as if they’d done this a thousand times before. 

It wasn’t a doubling, either - more like an exponential increase. Instead of an undifferentiated seethe of darkness, the station was now a transparent shell holding distinct lives - all with the overwhelming tinge of malicious hatred that marked them as cultists. At least, all that Rey could detect. She pushed a little harder, trying to make absolutely sure - 

“Careful,” Ben warned, trying to draw back, but they both sensed the crackle of awareness aboard the station as the Force-sensitive being came alert. 

Rey swore one of Plutt’s favorites as their unity fell apart. “Chewie, they just woke up.” 

_“Guns,”_ Chewbacca ordered, jerking his head at Ben, who hurried back up the corridor. _“I take it we’re not boarding the station?”_

“Nope.” Rey dropped hastily into the pilot’s seat, flipping the comm switch. “Station 6-A, this is the Resistance. Shut down your weapons and surrender, or we -“ 

Bolts of searing light sprayed out from the station, and Rey snarled and punched the _Falcon_ out of the fire zone, abandoning the formal attempt to avoid a fight. Chewie switched the comm to intraship. _“Gunner, are you in position yet?”_

_“Almost,”_ came the somewhat strained reply, and Rey winced, hoping that their sudden change of direction hadn’t thrown Ben’s still-healing body into a bulkhead. She kept most of her attention on the _Falcon,_ though, racing it ahead of the station’s pulses of fire. _“I’m in, guns are hot - “_

Without so much as a glance exchanged, Rey and Chewbacca brought the _Falcon_ around to attack. There was a deep and unspoken pleasure in flying with an expert partner, even in such dirty business as this, and while Rey had both flown and fought the _Falcon_ with just one other, it was much easier with two at the helm. She and Chewie worked the ship through the intricate dance of advance and retreat, dodging fire while opening opportunities to return it. And Ben did not fail them; shots lashed out with lethal precision from the _Falcon’s_ guns, whittling away at the station’s shields until they gave way, and the spheroid blew in a cloud of flame and light. 

Chewie yipped in triumph, and Rey grinned back. Some part of her, maybe the Jedi part, wondered if she should be sorry that the cultists wouldn’t give in; but most of her was just relieved to have the foulness _gone_. Chewie reached for the comm switch. _“Nice shooting, gunner.”_

Ben sounded tired, but amused. _“Nice flying, pilots.”_

Rey blew out a breath, and set the coordinates for Ajan Kloss. 

* * *

“Where’s Chewie?” 

Ben looked up from the holochess board. Rey stood in the doorway to the corridor, a saber on her hip, looking like a pelikki ready to startle at the slightest movement. 

So he didn’t move. “Napping, I think.” 

Ben couldn’t quite look away. He’d had to nap himself, after their mission was completed; the fight hadn’t been long, but it had depleted his little store of energy. So he hadn’t seen Rey in hours, and now Ben drank her in surreptitiously, wondering how long he had before she would vanish again. 

Rey fidgeted, then surprised him by stepping into the room and taking a seat opposite him, on the other side of the board. “I messed up, didn’t I?” 

It took him a moment to force his thoughts from surprise at her nearness to figuring out what she meant. “I wouldn’t put it that way.” 

Her mouth twisted wryly. “Alerting the whole station _wasn’t_ a disaster?” 

“It could have been,” he admitted. “But it wasn’t.” Absently, Ben put the game he was playing on hold, the little figures freezing in place. “I take it Skywalker didn’t explain how linking like that works.” 

Rey’s eyes narrowed, and for an instant he thought she would take offense, but then she sighed. “No one did.” 

Ben nodded, folding his hands and resting them on the table. “Well. You really do need a teacher.” 

He kept his voice level, even humble, not wanting to irritate her. “That sort of thing - it can really expand your reach, depending on your partner, but everyone’s different. It takes practice to know what you can achieve.” 

Rey grimaced, but she didn’t seem upset. “Can you show me?” 

Ben hesitated. He wanted to - _oh,_ how he wanted to - but he wasn’t certain he could muffle his emotions enough. “I can.” 

He unfolded his hands, held one out. “Try it more slowly this time.” 

He half-expected her to refuse, he didn’t know why, but her hand settled in his with a sense of familiarity. The memory of the first time they’d touched hands flashed through his mind, and Ben shoved it ruthlessly away; this was no time to lose control and upset her. 

Their power flowed together with an ease that seemed almost like eagerness, becoming a seamless and shared unity. It felt _amazing_ , and Ben had to swallow before he could speak. “We’re a good match, in this respect. Jedi often shared power in the old days.” 

It was an old lesson, from his time under Luke’s tutelage; Sith might tear power from one another, but they did not share it. Ben ignored the fact that neither of them were precisely Jedi. 

Rey nodded, studying the spring of Force energy with an intensity that bespoke a hungry mind. Ben found himself wondering what she would have become if she’d taken him up on his offer, back on Starkiller. _She would have been all power and brilliance, unstoppable -_

And then he remembered Snoke, and a surge of revulsion knotted his stomach. Rey would never have bowed to the Supreme Leader’s will; and Snoke would have crushed her defiance one way or another, killing her or leaving her a mindless husk. _She was more right than she knew, to refuse me._

They practiced for a little while, forming and releasing the mesh, Ben showing Rey how to refine her touch. It wasn’t that he’d had a lot of experience sharing power, and certainly not recently; but she had none at all. 

“There’s so much I don’t know,” she muttered when they stopped, sounding exhausted, and Ben wanted to take her hand just to hold it, to rub his thumb over her scarred knuckles. To lift it gently, and press it to his mouth in salute. 

“You haven’t had much time,” he pointed out, letting the vision go with a deep pang of regret. “It usually takes years of study to make a Jedi.” 

“That doesn’t really make me feel better,” Rey said, but her mouth was curling up, and it lightened his heart. Ben smiled back, elated just to have made her smile, and she blinked, flushing. 

“I...I could teach you a few things,” he offered. “I mean, I’m no Jedi, but I did - “ 

He couldn’t quite finish the sentence, but Rey nodded hastily, obviously reading his discomfort. “Maybe later?” she said. “When you’ve finished healing.” 

Ben grimaced, but she was right. He was barely recovered from just a few minutes’ worth of firefight. The concentration and patience that lessons would require were not available to him now. In fact, the only thing he was up to was - 

“How about I teach you to play holochess?” he asked. 

Rey’s smile widened. “What makes you think I don’t already know how?” 

Ben put his hand on his chest and bowed a fraction. “A hit.” He wiped the frozen game. “First move?” 

“Yours,” Rey said, and they played. 

* * *

The rain drumming on the _Falcon’s_ hull was soothing, in an odd way. Ben sat in the co-pilot’s seat and watched it stream over the viewport, his thoughts flattening out under the rush of white noise until he was almost dreaming with his eyes open. He didn’t like being cooped up inside, much; his memories of the _Falcon_ were nearly overwhelming at times, and in any case he was used to going where he pleased. But at the moment, he was relaxed enough not to care. 

Until movement caught his attention. Someone was crossing the clearing towards the ship; someone wrapped in rain gear, with a bag slung over one shoulder. Unidentifiable. 

Ben bit his lip, wondering if Chewie had locked the hatch when he’d left that morning, and whether there was still a blaster in the hidden cubby above the cockpit access. _They can’t know who you are,_ he told himself as he rose to go meet them. And then, bleakly, _Does it matter?_

After all, for all Rey’s care of him, Ben knew that in a just galaxy he would already have been condemned. There was blood on his hands and it would never wash away. If the visitor was coming to enact justice, could he really argue? 

When the knock echoed through the ship, Ben hesitated, then left the cockpit, leaving the cubby untouched. He still had the Force...if he chose to reach for it. 

The figure stamped up the ramp, shedding the raincoat in a shower of droplets, and Ben blinked as a vaguely familiar face emerged. “Hi, Ben,” Rose said brightly. “You’re looking a lot better.” 

“I...am better,” Ben replied, a bit hesitant as she brushed past him and onto the _Falcon_ with easy familiarity, rather than pulling out her own blaster and shooting him. “Um. What brings you by?” 

“A proposal.” Rose grinned at him, and Ben’s heart twisted a little; he couldn’t remember the last time someone had been _glad_ to see him. “Hey, got any caf? The machine in the canteen is down _again,_ and I am _out_ of parts to fix it.” 

They settled in the lounge with steaming cups of the cheap stuff, again a flavor so laden with memory that Ben almost couldn’t drink it, though the warmth was comforting against his palms. Rose drank hers eagerly; a few drops of rain sparkled in her hair, and Ben wondered if she’d grown up on a wet planet, or if the rain was as new to her as it was to Rey. 

“Nice job on that mission,” Rose was saying. “Poe’s a little obsessive about the Sith, you know? He’s afraid that if they all hook up we’ll have another Exegol.” 

She took another sip of caf. “Everyone keeps telling him they don’t have the resources, but then he points out that nobody thought they did _before,_ so.” 

Ben nodded. “That’s fair.” Certainly it had come as a surprise to _him,_ too. “It’s not likely that they could mount another offensive of that size, but something smaller...” 

“Mm-hm.” Rose gave him an assessing look, gaze sharp but not unkind. “Well, it may end up being Rey’s problem in the end, but we’re still sorting things out.” 

She reached down to the bag she’d brought and fished in it, pulling out a bundle of cloth. “Finn mentioned your, um, identity problem, and this might work. Here.” 

Ben took the bundle and shook it out, puzzled. It was a long hooded over-robe in a rough-woven brown, the sort of thing worn by poorer people the galaxy over, wherever they needed protection from weather. Rolled up within it was a length of cloth almost the same shade, but softer. 

“If you wear that over your face, you should be okay,” Rose explained, pointing at the cloth. “There’s plenty of people in the galaxy who cover their faces in public. You might get a few weird looks, but with us on your side nobody will say anything.” 

Ben stared down at the fabric, unable to speak. _On your side._ It seemed almost monstrous, to keep his secret from these people, and yet he was _hungry_ for it, the simple acceptance she was offering. _If you knew who I really was, you would throw me out in the rain._

“Thank you,” he managed at last. “I’ll try it.” 

Rose nodded, draining her cup. “I doubt we’ll be here much longer anyway. Finn’s talking about repatriation for Stormtroopers, helping them find their families if they can, and Poe’s all about reviving the Galactic Senate. I don’t know what Rey has in mind, though.” 

Ben didn’t either, and it worried him. _It’s not your right to know,_ he told himself, pushing to his feet as old, old lessons in courtesy made themselves felt. He picked up Rose’s cup and went to refill it, glancing through the drawer of snacks but finding nothing fit to offer a guest. 

“What are your plans?” Ben handed Rose the cup and took his seat again, feeling oversized and awkward. It had been quite some time since he’d had an innocuous conversation too, but Rose was kind. _And I have to fit in somehow._

Rose grimaced, nose scrunching. “I don’t really have any. My sister and I...we were from Hays Minor.” 

Ben hid a wince as Rose wrapped her hand around the pendant she wore. “Paige died in the Battle of D’Qar. We’d always planned our future _together_ , you see. I don’t really know what to do without her.” 

Ben bit the inside of his cheek. He hadn’t been _directly_ responsible for that one, but - “I’m sorry.” 

Rose pressed her lips together, one shoulder jerking up in a shrug. “I’m hardly the only person who’s lost someone.” 

Ben stared down at the slightly oily surface of the caf in his cup. “Why are you being nice to me?” he mumbled, half to the table. “I’m - I _was_ First Order.” 

Rose’s snort made him glance up. “There were lots of defectors. Finn’s just the most famous one.” She gave him a dry look. “You’re too young to have been in charge of Hays Minor, so I have no fight with you in particular.” 

Ben looked down again, too ashamed to meet her gaze. Rose sighed, and startled him by reaching out to pat his arm. “I know it’s not easy,” she said softly. “But you’re here now, and that’s something.” 

_You wouldn’t say that if you knew what I’d done._

But no matter what _he_ deserved, telling the truth would hurt Rey, and he couldn’t do that. 

Ben drank his caf, and held his peace. 

* * *

“Coruscant,” Rey said blankly. “You want me to go to _Coruscant?”_

“What’s wrong with Coruscant?” Poe asked, and went on without waiting for an answer. “That’s where they’re setting up the pro tem Senate.” 

Rey narrowed her eyes. “Poe, I’m a scavenger from Jakku, with no - no family, and absolutely _no_ training in diplomacy. Have you lost your mind?” 

Next to her Ben, wrapped in the robe and face cloth that hid him from view, stirred but didn’t speak. Poe simply raised his brows, resting his elbows on the canteen table and folding his hands. “Years ago. You’re not going as a diplomat. I want you to play bodyguard.” 

Rey sat back. “For who?” 

“Finn.” Poe’s jaw shifted. “We - the Resistance - need someone on site at the Senate. Lando’s at the other end of the galaxy right now and I’ve got to finish cleaning up here. I need someone to watch Finn’s back, and the last of the Jedi is just the ticket.” 

“I suppose I could do that.” Rey very carefully didn’t glance at Ben; the only experience she had fighting _with_ someone instead of by herself was with him. “Do you really think there’s that much danger?” 

“Eh.” Poe waggled a hand back and forth. “It’s half for appearances.” 

He hesitated. “If you _want_ to go as a diplomat - “ 

“No!” Rey grimaced at the thought. “No thank you.” 

“It’s settled, then. You and Finn - “ 

“And me.” Ben’s voice was low, but firm. Rey stiffened, but before she could frame a question he went on, apparently answering Poe’s quizzical look. “There are plenty of people who would prefer to see the Jedi Order pass away entirely, and not all of them belonged to the old regime. Rey is more than capable, but she should have someone to watch _her_ back as well.” 

Poe studied him for a second, then shrugged. “If Rey’s okay with it, then sure. Rey, just, I don’t know. Look ascetic and powerful. Remind ‘em just who was doing the fighting, you know?” 

“Half the galaxy,” Rey retorted dryly, but she could see his point. “And what does Finn say?” 

The man in question appeared behind Poe’s shoulder, wearing a sardonic expression and a smear of engine grease on the shoulder of his shirt. “Finn says that Poe had better hurry his ass up, because Finn doesn’t know anything more about diplomacy than Rey does.” 

Finn pulled out a chair and dropped into it, regarding Poe with an expression that was only half-humorous. “I get the symbolism, but I was a _janitor,_ you know.” 

“All the better,” Ben murmured. “There’s plenty in the Senate that could use a good flushing.” 

Poe snickered; Finn cast Ben a cockeyed glance but didn’t take the bait. “When do we go?” 

Half a day later, they were touching down on a landing pad outside the Senate building. 

It wasn’t in the _Falcon_ ; Chewie had objected strenuously to the idea of Coruscant, and since the trip would only take half a day Poe had assigned them a somewhat battered 690 light freighter. The sight had given Rey a bitter laugh, but at least she knew how to _fly_ it. 

But she’d switched seats with Ben almost as soon as they’d entered the atmosphere, because the mere sight of thousands of vehicles swarming through the air made her dizzy. 

“How can people live like this?” She hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but Ben glanced her way, still muffled in his wraps. 

“Most of them have never known anything else.” He dropped the freighter expertly through the humming cloud of ships and transports as if he’d done it all his life. “Some of them take pride in it.” 

Rey wrapped her arms around herself, feeling a chill at just the thought. Jakku might be a searing nowhere, but at least there was space to move in. Coruscant had none of the plant life that had delighted her eyes on all the new worlds she’d seen, and the closer they got to the endless thickets of buildings, the more she felt as though they were flying into a trap. The planet was throbbing with life in the Force, but it didn’t have the hum of contentment or harmony that she’d sensed elsewhere. _I don’t like it._

If he sensed her uneasiness, Ben didn’t comment, merely bringing them down in a precise landing on their assigned pad. Two rows of armed, uniformed figures were marching out of the building, but before Rey could panic Ben leaned over. 

“It’s an honor guard,” he said quietly. “Just ignore them.” 

_Easy for you to say._ But Rey was glad he’d come along, and not just because...because. This was _his_ world, or it had been. _I can use all the help I can get._

Ben shut down the engines, and they rose, but before he could step out of the cockpit Rey touched his arm. He halted at once, swinging around to look at her, and she snatched her fingers back, feeling her face heat. “Wait a minute. You should have a weapon.” 

“Good point.” Ben gestured her ahead of him, then stopped when they got to the corridor, reaching up to press two fingers against a seam where two wall panels met above the entrance to the cockpit. One panel slid aside, and Ben lifted out an old-model blaster, checking the charge with practiced smoothness. “Still good,” he said quietly, and tucked it beneath his robe. Rey nodded, satisfied. 

Finn met them next to the freighter’s main hatch, tugging nervously at the collar of his formal outfit. “Do I look okay?” 

“You’re fine.” Rey slung her staff to her back and straightened it for him, the action calming her a little. “Ready?” 

She glanced back at Ben, who was looming silently at her shoulder. It was hard to read him through the muffling wraps, but something about the stiff cant of his shoulders made her think he was annoyed. 

Then Finn hit the hatch button, and there was no time left to think about it. 

* * *

There was something oddly freeing about concealment. 

In a way, Ben already knew that. But the difference was that Kylo Ren had never been anonymous, even when armored from head to toe. He had always been a symbol, a living weapon, Snoke’s hand and then the galaxy’s ruler. Now he was _anonymous,_ a muffled figure trailing behind the last Jedi and the Resistance’s hero General. And while eyes raked over him, curious and suspicious by turns, Finn’s quick-witted labeling of Ben as “our assistant” meant the stares didn’t linger. 

The tower they’d been assigned was pretty much what Ben had expected, elegant luxury that probably only he was familiar with, though Rey was hiding her nerves behind a stoic expression and Finn was busy talking to their escorts. It made him feel calmer, in a way; he could at least do this for Rey, provide not only protection but guidance if she needed it. 

The way she’d pulled back from touching him that nagged like a reopened wound. It was clear that Ben made her uncomfortable, but it wasn’t something he knew how to mend. 

_Don’t you know I’d do anything to make you happy?_

Apparently that meant staying out of her personal space as much as possible. Ben could do that, even if it hurt. 

He was, after all, quite used to pain. 

The suite they were given was a little better than Ben was expecting, though to judge by Rey’s open mouth and Finn’s rapid blinks it was far more than they had anticipated. Ben distracted their escorts with a question about the building’s layout while the two of them got their reactions under control, and soon enough they were left alone to settle in from what their escort seemed to think was an arduous journey. 

“This place is amazing.” Finn wandered around the big main room, poking at the various controls. “People really live like this?” 

“A few of them.” Ben pulled off his scarf, though he left the robe in place; there was no telling when someone might appear at the door. 

The suite had four bedrooms, so they could each choose their own, and Ben quietly showed Rey how to order a meal via the comm panel, then took delivery of their luggage, light as it was. Droid work, really, and it was very odd to be acting as a servitor after a lifetime of being served in one way or another, but Ben didn’t mind. It kept him close to Rey, and that was the important thing. 

The next few days were almost as strange to him as they were to Rey and Finn. Ben trailed behind them as Rey escorted Finn to meetings and functions, and garnered few second glances. He was tall for a human, but there were plenty of species in the galaxy that were even larger, and the plain fabric of his robe signaled that he was unimportant except as an accessory to the Resistance members. 

Which was why, when the attack came, the assassins ignored him entirely. 

They were walking back from a meeting with a senator when the harmless-looking cargo droid trundling down the corridor abruptly split into five separate, _much_ faster units, all of which started firing blasters as they hurtled towards Finn and Rey. 

_No!_

Ben reacted automatically, one hand burrowing for his blaster while the other flung out to snare the closest droid with the Force, and in the same instant Rey burst into movement. The bolts veered aside, splashing into the walls with sprays of sparks, and she leapt in front of Finn, staff coming around to smash one droid aside and impale another other in a crunch of metal. The first one rallied, and Rey yanked her staff out of the carcass and lifted her hand to slam the attacker into the ceiling. At the same time, Finn leaned around her, using his own blaster to obliterate another with two quick shots. 

Ben tightened the Force around the one he held, crushing it into a lump of metal and wires. The last droid spun and fled, moving with astonishing speed back down the corridor, and when Rey’s eyes met Ben’s over the smoking debris, it wasn’t even the bond coming into play - it was simply _knowing._ Ben nodded, and Rey pelted after the escapee. 

It had all taken about ten seconds, if that. The shouts and screams of people further down the corridor were still echoing as Ben stepped up next to Finn. “We need to get you back to the suite,” Ben said in a low voice, pushing aside his own panic. He _wanted_ to follow Rey, but someone had to stay with Finn - protecting him was their whole purpose here. 

Finn, whose face had gone nearly grey, nodded. 

Ben kept his attention on their surroundings as they hurried back to their assigned rooms - he’d practiced discipline for years, after all - but underneath it was an ongoing chorus of awe mixed with fear. He’d seen her fight before, of course, mostly against _him_ , but he’d never seen her just flow into action like that, and it was one of the most beautiful things he’d ever observed. 

At the same time, every instinct he had clamored for him to follow her, make sure she was safe. She was more than a match for one droid, but what if whoever sent them was waiting for her? 

“Relax,” Finn muttered, chin up even though his hands were shaking slightly. “If they have any sense, they’re running as fast as they can before she finds them.” 

Ben snorted. “You’re not wrong,” he murmured back, unsurprised that Finn had guessed the direction of his thoughts. 

The suite door sliding shut behind them cut off all sound from the corridor, but Ben didn’t relax. “Stay here,” he said. “I need to sweep the rooms.” 

Finn gave him a dry look. “You take the ones on the left. I’m not _helpless._ ” 

His gaze was sharp. Ben gave a mental shrug; he wasn’t Finn’s boss...any more...and Stormtroopers _were_ taught how to look for traps. They moved deeper into the suite in silence, Finn with his blaster in hand and Ben ready to reach for the Force again. 

It saved them both when Finn opened the door to his room. Ben was just fast enough to throw up a shield to block the explosion that destroyed the room. 

Finn yelped as the walls on either side of them shattered, flame gouting outward. Ben fell jarringly to his knees as the effort of holding back so much pressure drained his still-recovering strength, but the shockwave ebbed quickly. A siren whooped, and the hallway was almost instantly misted with fire retardant, mingling with the smoke and vapor as the flames spread. 

_Oh, good,_ Ben thought faintly, struggling to keep the shield in place to protect them from the stubborn flames. Finn shouted something he couldn’t make out over the noise, and then hands hooked under his shoulders and started dragging him backwards. Ben tried to help without letting the shield go, the two of them scooting clumsily over the carpet towards the exit, and then they were _out_. 

Ben released his grip on the Force and _tried_ to focus, because they were in the middle of a gathering crowd and the would-be assassin could easily be among them, but Finn crouched next to him and put a heavy hand on the back of Ben’s neck. 

“Don’t pass out,” he said, shoving Ben’s head down. “ _Hey_ , can we get a medic here?” 

Ben’s protest was only a mumble. _Can’t let anyone see me,_ he thought dazedly, then felt a wave of alarm through the bond. A moment later Rey was on her knees next to him. _“Ben?”_

“‘M fine,” he muttered, leaning into the gentler hands that ran over his head and back as if searching for injuries. He tried to raise his head to see if _she_ was all right, but Rey pressed it back down. 

Guiltily, Ben let himself sag against her, squeezing his eyes shut as her arm came around him. _Just for a minute. Please._

_Please._

* * *

Finn managed to exert his unaccustomed authority, and demanded that the medics look Ben over in the new suite they were hastily assigned (with two guards posted outside, and Rey _and_ a tech doing a scanner sweep even though the suite was more or less chosen at random). And, when Rey muttered urgently in Finn’s ear, it was two live medics instead of droids. 

Rey and Finn were unscathed. The medics told Ben what he already knew - he was uninjured, despite his pulsing headache, and was merely suffering from exhaustion; they prescribed _rest._ Finn watched with a tight mouth as Rey wiped their memories of Ben’s face and saw them out the door, but he didn’t protest. 

Ben sat on the long couch where he’d been placed, feeling his headache recede thanks to the injection one of the medics had given him. Finn was sprawled in a big chair, staring thoughtfully at the ceiling, and when Rey came back in he spoke. “Did you get it?” 

She shook her head, looking disgusted, and ducked out of her staff’s strap to lean it against the wall. “It dove into a maintenance duct - it was too small for me to follow.” 

She gave a snort, looking almost as tired as Ben felt. “If we were on a ship, I’d know where it went. But here...” Rey shrugged and sat down on the carpet, crosslegged. “So what now?” 

Finn made a face. “We can’t back down now. We stay.” 

“Poe and Rose had better hurry up then.” Rey stretched, arms over her head, and Ben tried virtuously not to pay attention, without much success. “I don’t like this.” 

Finn looked at Ben, cocking his head. “Do you think it was First Order sympathizers?” 

Ben mustered a shrug. “Maybe. Or maybe it’s someone who doesn’t want the Jedi becoming a power again. It was hard to see if they were shooting at both of you, or just one.” 

“Maybe we should split up,” Rey suggested, then rolled her eyes when they both glared at her. “It was just a thought.” 

“Good strategy, bad tactics.” Ben pushed back his hood, squinting even though the lights were relatively low. “Can someone order food?” 

“Good idea.” Finn got up and went to the comm panel, asking for their orders before punching them in. Rey watched him, frowning. 

“What is it?” Ben asked softly. 

“I think...I think maybe I should go find the canteen and make sure that nobody messes with our food on the way here.” 

“Kitchen,” Ben corrected automatically, frowning himself. The notion was all too plausible. By the next day cycle Security would have their safety under control, but at the moment they were probably still scrambling to figure out what had happened. “Take one of the guards along.” 

Rey opened her mouth, and he shot her a stern look. “We _just_ agreed that splitting up is a bad idea. You shouldn’t go alone.” 

“He’s right,” Finn said, collapsing back into his chair. “Can you _imagine_ what Chewie would do to us if you got hurt?” 

Rey snickered, and it lifted Ben’s heart to see her face lighten even a little. “All right, all right. But you two - “ She pointed between them. “Stay out of trouble until I get back!” 

“Yes, Master Jedi,” Finn drawled. Ben merely saluted, straight-faced, and Rey rolled her eyes again as she stood. 

Ben watched her leave, staff in hand, and when the door had closed behind her he turned back to see Finn eyeing him intensely, one finger pressed to his lips. 

Ben shifted uneasily. “Yes...?” 

“I _thought_ you seemed familiar....” The finger dropped to point at him. “...Kylo Ren.” 

_Shit._

Ben held very still. “How did you know?” he asked, keeping his voice even. 

Finn gave him an unimpressed look. “How many people are there in the galaxy using Force powers? And I may not remember much about Starkiller, but I did see you on Kef Bir - it just took me a while, there was so much water in the way.” 

Finn’s face was closed as he studied Ben; Ben wondered wearily if this was going to be the end. After a moment, Finn spoke again. “All I have to do is open the door and say the word, and they’ll come arrest you.” 

Ben jerked a nod. “That’s true.” And it would be justice; Ben couldn’t deny that. “Do it before Rey gets back.” 

Finn raised his brows. “Ashamed?” 

“Of _course_ I am.” Ben pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut; his headache was fighting the analgesic. “She - she shouldn’t have to go through that, that’s all.” 

He wasn’t to have anything, it seemed; Rey’s love had turned out to be a fever dream, and now whatever future he might have made was crumbling to dust. It was fitting, Ben reminded himself. He _deserved_ it. 

“Relax. I’ll keep your secret.” The amusement in Finn’s voice made Ben open his eyes. Finn’s expression mingled humor and anger, with the humor strongest. 

_...What?_ Ben blinked. “I almost _killed_ you.” 

Finn shrugged. “That was war. I’m more pissed at you for killing Han, to be honest.” 

Ben flinched, looking away, and heard Finn sigh. 

“Look. You might have tried to kill me, but you also just saved my life - twice, to be exact. And I see the way you look at Rey.” 

That made Ben look up again. Finn blew out a breath. “She says you saved _her_ life, and I believe she’s telling the truth. Does that make up for what you did? Probably not, but I’m not going to push it.” 

Ben looked down again, unable to meet Finn’s eyes any longer, and heard Finn stand. 

“You should keep that wrap on around Poe, though,” Finn added, and walked away. 

Ben sat in silence until Rey got back with the food, trying to absorb what had just happened. 

He’d never expected anyone else to be _kind_. 

* * *

Rey sat in the air in her darkened room, trying to meditate and failing. The events of the day kept intruding every time she tried to clear her mind, and dispassion just wasn’t possible. 

It wasn’t the fight that troubled her; that had turned out fine, aside from losing the droid afterwards (and she’d demanded a welding kit and some rebar to fix hasty barriers over the ventilation grilles in their new quarters, because she wasn’t _stupid_ ). 

The fact that Ben and Finn had nearly been killed minutes after the first attack - _that_ was what she couldn’t stop thinking about. Seeing Ben folded against the wall, barely conscious, had reminded her horridly of Exegol, and how she’d nearly lost him there. 

The feel of him leaning into her had broken her heart all over again. 

_He didn’t mean it,_ she told herself. _He was halfway to fainting, almost falling over. He probably didn’t even know he was doing it._

Ben didn’t like touching her. Rey knew that. She’d just been too upset on seeing him to remember. _I had to check for injuries,_ she told herself, half guilty and half resolute. _He’s still recovering. And I could hardly have let him fall._

But she was starting to wonder if it was fair to keep him with the Resistance. Rey didn’t know if Ben had anywhere to go, but every day he spent among them was another day he risked recognition and arrest. He might be staying to help, to try to make up for his past, but Rey knew what it was like to be trapped. _I’m not sure anyone even offered him a choice. We just assumed he’d want to stay._

She felt her face heat in the darkness. _No, **I** assumed._

Well, there was only one way to fix that. But as Rey let herself fall down to her too-soft bed, she took the coward’s route. _I’ll wait until the others get here,_ she told herself, pushing the pillows to the floor and trying to settle herself for sleep. _That way he can leave right away if he wants to._

She kept a careful grip on the bond, so that the anguish didn’t leak through. 

* * *

The next morning brought the Senate’s Chief of Security while they were eating breakfast, profuse with apologies. More to the point, in Rey’s opinion anyway, the Chief also brought scan records that tracked the escaped droid through the building’s duct system, into the local sewer system, and its emergence some distance away - and down. 

“How far down does this place _go?_ ” Rey asked, staring at the holomap in disbelief. “That’s below ground...isn’t it?” 

“At least ten stories,” Ben agreed. “There are places that go deeper, but at that level it’s mostly service tunnels. Droid access for the most part.” 

“And people who don’t want to be noticed, I bet,” Finn said, stuffing a bite of bread in his mouth. 

Rey sighed, hoping that it wouldn’t involve giant sand snakes this time. “I’ll check it out, see if I can find out where that droid ended up. Ben, you’ll stay with Finn?” 

Ben’s brows drew together. “I’m going with _you_.” 

She frowned back. “Somebody has to watch Finn, and - “ 

“Guys!” The word cut through their argument, and they both swung around to look at Finn. 

“I’m flattered,” he said dryly. “But for one thing I can take care of myself. And for another, I’ve got a meeting in the Senate chamber that’s going to take most of the day. You know, the chamber with _all the guards in it?_ ” 

“Oh.” Rey blinked. So did Ben. 

Which was how they found themselves deep below Coruscant’s ground level, facing a locked door that led to the local maintenance tunnels. Rey didn’t know why the idea of going even deeper made her so nervous - she’d hunted through the bowels of any number of downed superships, scavenging in near-darkness - but it wasn’t the same. 

Ben pulled out the passkey that the Chief had given them. “Ready?” 

Rey glanced over her shoulder, but the hallway they stood in was empty. She cleared her throat and unclipped Leia’s saber from her belt, holding it out and watching Ben’s eyes go wide. “Here.”

He didn’t move, and she heard him swallow. “You - you trust me with that?” 

“Of course.” In a sense, it was his by right; and he needed a weapon. Particularly, she thought, on this seething, hard-edged world. 

Slowly, his hand emerged from his cloak to accept the saber. It fit well in his grip, she saw, despite having been made for his mother’s smaller hands. And if his fingers were trembling as he closed them on the hilt, Rey could pretend not to notice. She settled the other one more firmly against her hip, and took the passkey, applying it to the lock and pulling the door open. 

They had brought handlights, but the tunnel had its own lights, though more than a few were burnt out. Ben carried the holomap, consulting it at every junction; every so often Rey could hear the hum of wheels or squeak of gears in the distance, but so far they were alone. It was, fortunately, large enough that Ben could walk upright, with odd niches here and there, and sometimes the cross-tunnels were too short or narrow for humans. Rey hoped that their quarry wasn’t down one of those. 

“What do you think we’ll find?” she asked after a while. The atmosphere was stale, and Rey reflected sourly that Jakku might be a pit, but at least it was a pit full of free air. 

“Could be anything.” Ben was hard to read with all but his eyes and hands concealed, but he sounded amused. “Personally I’m hoping for an all-droid Resistance-assassin team.” 

Rey snickered. “Threepio would be _horrified._ ” 

Ben flinched at the name, and she felt her own humor drain away. “Sorry.” 

He shook his head. “Don’t.” He hesitated. “You shouldn’t have to guard your words for me.” 

“Well, you - “ Rey trailed off as Ben halted, pulling down his hood and cocking his head. The sound was faint and repetitive, and Rey identified it as footsteps at the same instant that Ben grabbed her. With the speed she’d both deplored and admired, he pulled them both into the closest cross-tunnel, which was barely wide enough for his shoulders and as dark as space. 

Rey found herself pressed back against Ben’s chest, one of his hands resting lightly over her mouth and his other arm crossed in front of her, covering her with the fold of his robe to hide her lighter tunic. Her staff was caught between them, a hard press against her shoulder, but the rest of him was warm against her back. She felt the brush of his hair as he bent his head, the faintest whisper reaching her ear. “Have your saber ready.” 

And on one level Rey _was_ ready, bracing for combat as she slid her saber free and let her thumb hover over the switch, senses alert for whatever it was he’d heard coming; but on another, she was trying desperately not to shiver from the feel of Ben’s breath against her skin and the curve of his arm around her. It would be so easy to turn, to pull down his head and kiss him again, except that would be even _worse_ than the first time she’d done it. 

_Don’t let him sense it,_ she pleaded silently, to herself or maybe to the Force. _He’d be so disgusted, don’t let him know -_

* * *

_This was a mistake._

Whisking them into the side corridor had been a good tactical move, Ben knew that, but _personally_ it had been a very bad choice. Rey was _right there,_ he could pull down his face cloth and press his cheek to her hair, or his mouth to the soft spot below her ear... 

_Focus,_ he told himself sharply. That wistful dream was forever out of his reach. Someone was coming, someone walking too quickly to be a droid, and he had to protect Rey whether she would approve or not. _What you want doesn’t matter._

He forced his attention on the little gap of light, waiting to see what crossed it, and hoping that whoever or whatever it was would not turn to peer inside their hiding place. 

The patter of steps became louder, syncopation indicating that there was more than one person. Ben saw the shadows an instant before the figures passed by, and then with a flicker they were there and gone: two humanoids and one droid. 

_The_ droid. 

Rey’s fingers wrapped around his hand, tugging it away from her face. “You take the droid,” she breathed, barely audible even so close. “I’ve got the others.” 

Before he could argue she sprang away, sliding silently back into the corridor, and Ben slipped out behind her. The three figures weren’t far away, apparently unaware, and at Rey’s glance Ben reached out with the Force to snag the droid and pull it back towards them. 

It squealed sharply, and one of the humanoids glanced back and swore. _“It’s the Jedi - “_

They both took off running, one pulling out a blaster and firing wildly back under his own arm. Ben spat an oath of his own, straining to deflect the bolts as they splashed off the walls and floor. _Rey can’t catch **both** of them, not if they split up - _

Rey didn’t chase them. She merely sidestepped another few bolts, swung her staff from her shoulder, leaned back - 

And _threw_. 

Ben felt his mouth drop open as the staff flew like a spear down the corridor, losing neither height nor speed, then swung _sideways_ and slammed into the legs of both targets. The two went tumbling, yelping and rolling over on the floor. 

_Now_ Rey ran, an easy lope that left Ben to subdue the droid and catch up. He bounced it off the wall hard enough to crumple its casing, careful not to damage its memory chips, then dashed forward. 

One of the two - humans, Ben saw - was lying on the floor, clutching his leg and moaning. The other was staring at Rey’s saber blade, which hummed right in front of his eyes. 

“Are you going to give us any trouble?” she asked as Ben slid to a halt next to her. The man shook his head, sweat running down his face as he pressed his back against the wall. 

Ben leaned down to grab the other man’s shoulder, turning him over enough to see his face, and frowned in recognition. “This one’s First Order,” he said to Rey. Ben had never spoken to the man, but he’d been a major aboard Snoke’s ship. _Apparently he didn’t make it to Exegol._

“That would explain a lot,” Rey said dryly. “So now what?” 

Ben gave her a hard grin, even though she couldn’t see it. “Well, we have two choices. We can turn them over to Senate Security, or we can conduct our own interrogation.” 

He was only half-serious; he didn’t even know if Rey could perform that level of mind-probe, and he couldn’t do it himself without giving away his identity, particularly to an ex-First Order officer - not unless they wiped the prisoners’ memories afterwards. 

Rey pursed her lips, pretending to consider it. “That would save time...but what would we do with the bodies?” 

The man she was standing over whimpered; the other one was still in too much pain to pay attention. Ben gave a theatrical shrug. “I’m sure we could find a convenient hole around here somewhere.” 

Rey sighed. “Still. Messy.” She looked down at the man at her feet, gaze going cold. “Or you could come with us and tell Security whatever they need to know.” 

Their prisoner nodded vigorously. 

It was a long walk out, with the unwounded captive helping the other, bound together with some wire Rey had fished from a pocket _(That way he can’t run,_ she’d explained, while Ben had wondered what else she kept handy). Ben had dismantled the droid, claiming its chips so he didn’t have to lug the entire thing back with them, and they returned with their prizes to the Senate building and a very bored Finn. 

* * *

Ben was not entirely surprised when the investigation revealed a personal plot to kill the traitor who’d helped destroy the First Order. “Small and petty,” he murmured to Rey when the report was finished and Finn was seeing the Security people out. “You’ll have to show me that trick with your staff some time.” 

Rey’s smile was half-hearted. “Sure,” she replied, sounding the opposite, and went to talk to Finn. 

Surprised, Ben watched her go, watched Finn give her a grin and a clap on the shoulder. Acid jealousy spun through his stomach again as Rey’s smile brightened, and Ben turned abruptly, retreating to his room. 

If there was one thing the Jedi were good for, it was calming meditation exercises. Ben ran through several, pacing up and down on the thick carpet, until he was calm enough to sit still. He’d spent a decade indulging his temper at the slightest provocation; as his strength returned, he was finding it a challenge to leash it instead. 

_They’re not lovers,_ he reminded himself. _And even if they were, it’s none of your business. She doesn’t want **you**._

It didn’t matter; he wasn’t jealous of Finn specifically, he simply envied the way Finn could touch Rey without fear of upsetting her. 

Ben lay back on his bed, wondering bitterly how long it would be before Rey found someone she _could_ love. He didn’t know much about dyad bonds - no one still living did - but there was no logical reason that the two people bound in one had to be partners. It was entirely possible that she could fall in love with someone else and spend her life with them. 

_I’ll have to go,_ he realized bleakly. There was no way he could _watch_ that happen, not and stay sane. 

Ben knew he would love Rey for the rest of his life, however long that might be. It was a truth as deep as his soul, and as unmovable. She was the spark of light that had drawn him - however reluctantly - out of darkness; she had looked through his armor and seen the part of him he had tried so hard to crush, and valued it. 

But she was also, quite simply, lovable; from her rage to her tenderness to the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled, he loved all of her. 

_Perhaps it’s fitting._ Part of his penance, to give Rey up entirely, to seal down the bond as best he could and walk away so she could live her life in peace. _There’s really no reason why she should love you._

In fact, it was something of a wonder that she spoke to him at all. 

Ben rolled over to face the wall, but it was a long time before he slept. 

* * *

Poe and Rose and Lando arrived on Coruscant at almost the same time, and Rey had to admit she was glad to see them. Last Jedi or not, she found it exhausting to be on display all day; and while the Senate building offered more luxury - and food - than Rey had ever seen before, she felt caged. Going out to the landing pad to catch a glimpse of the sky was not enough, and the outside air was metallic and unrefreshing. 

“Sure you don’t want to stay?” Poe asked the evening he flew in, when they’d finished their debrief and were relaxing in the main room of what would now be Finn’s suite alone. “You’re as much responsible for the victory as we are. More so, even - both of you.” 

He glanced over at Ben, who was sitting a little removed from the group, his face securely covered. “As a symbol, Rey, you’d be perfect.” 

“Maybe she’s got other plans.” Lando’s look was kind. “Not everything is about fixing the galaxy, Poe.” 

Poe snorted, but subsided. Rey shrugged. “I figured I’d head back to Ajan Kloss for the moment.” What little she had in the way of belongings had come with her, but she’d left the Jedi texts and some of Leia’s training equipment there. 

Rose frowned a little, poking at the platter of snacks on the table between herself and Finn. “Is anybody _left_ on Ajan Kloss?” 

“Well, Chewie’s still there. Kaydel was tasked with packing up what was left, but she and her people may be done by now.” Poe poured himself more caf. “If you need something to do, I’m sure we can find you a job!” 

Rey laughed a little, but it felt forced. “I’ll remember that, Poe.” 

She’d been looking forward to getting back to Ajan Kloss, not just to escape the oppressiveness of Coruscant but to return - not to _home_ , it wasn’t that, but to something familiar. Intellectually, she’d been aware that the Resistance was preparing to leave, but she hadn’t really thought about what would happen next - she hadn’t had _time._

She looked around at Finn and Lando and Poe. Jannah was coming soon, they’d said, and the droids, ready to carry the Resistance’s mission forward into the future. Chewbacca had been talking about going home to his family. Leia was gone; Luke was gone. 

_There’s a place for me here, if I want it._

But she didn’t. Stopping the First Order and restoring democracy to the galaxy had never been one of Rey’s passions, or even goals; it had just been something she’d fallen into, thanks to circumstances, her gift with the Force, and a terrified ex-Stormtrooper with a too-large heart. 

_It wasn’t his goal either, really,_ she thought, regarding him fondly as he laughed with Rose, but he’d handled it well. Her first real friend. 

The sadness sitting heavy in her chest, though - it was as though she were bidding them a silent farewell, watching them all walk away from her while she stood frozen in place. _Stupid._ She wasn’t _losing_ them. They would still be her friends whether she chose to stay with them or not. 

But she’d tried so hard to fit herself into those futures, and none of it had really worked. Luke hadn’t wanted her; she didn’t want the life of a symbol; and the mantle of _Jedi_ had never sat easily on her shoulders. _You are all the Jedi_ didn’t mean much when there was no one left to teach her what it meant to _be_ one. 

Lando was murmuring something in Poe’s ear, though she could see the older man’s glance her way. Rey pretended not to notice and reached for another crispbread. 

Rey supposed that she had choices. The Resistance, though chronically low on funds, had issued each member a stipend, and with nothing to spend hers on Rey had amassed what to her felt like a small fortune. It wasn’t much in the grand scale of things, but it was more than she’d ever had, and credits could buy her supplies, food, ship passage. _Options_. 

If only she knew what to do. 

Ben was gone; he’d slipped out of the room a while earlier, and Rey couldn’t blame him for wanting to escape. She grabbed another plate and began stacking snacks on it, since he couldn’t eat with the face cloth on, and bid the others a quiet goodnight before going to knock on his door. 

“Come in.” The lock clicked and the door slid open, and Rey stepped inside. 

Ben had to have known it was her, but he still had his face covered. Rey waved the door shut again. “I brought you some food.” 

His brows went up. “...Thank you.” 

Feeling horribly awkward, Rey set it down on the table near the bed. Ben had chosen the least ornate room, the one intended for a guest’s servitor, and it held one chair. Ben sank onto the bed, spine stiff. “Do you want to sit?” 

Rey took the chair. “I don’t really know what you like,” she said, because some people actually had preferences in food - she’d learned that much. “So I just, um, got a bit of everything.” 

Ben hesitated, then pulled off the face cloth and lowered his hood. “You didn’t have to.” 

Rey shrugged. The phrase had always sounded silly to her, stating the obvious. 

Ben poked through the snacks, selecting a little tart and nibbling the crust off the edges before biting into the center. It was such an incongruous sight that Rey thought it must be a childhood habit, and it almost made her smile. 

When he’d swallowed the bite, Ben held out the plate. “Will you join me?” 

_I brought it for you_ , she almost said, but Rey _never_ turned down food. She hitched the chair closer and picked up a little skewer that held chunks of fruit. 

They ate for a little while, sharing tidbits, before Ben spoke again. “Are you going to stay?” 

Rey shook her head, licking crumbs off her lips. “Are you?” 

When Ben didn’t reply, merely gaping at her, Rey looked away. “It’s just - I don’t want to keep you if you have, have stuff you want to do. It probably wouldn’t be a good idea to stay with the Resistance, but this is Coruscant.” She waved a hand. “From here you can probably go anywhere you want.” 

Ben swallowed. “I...I’d rather...go back to Ajan Kloss, with you. If you don’t mind. See...see Chewie again.” 

Rey felt a spurt of relief. “That’s fine.” She’d have him for a bit longer, then. 

_I wonder if he’d like to stay with me anyway._ But for that, she would have to have something to offer him, some plan. 

Her dreams of family had crumbled to dust. Her friends had different paths to follow. On some deep, bitter level, Rey knew she was being left behind again. Even the dyad bond was not enough to keep anyone with her. 

_I bet Ben will go with Chewie. It’s his father’s ship, after all._ It fit, the son taking the father’s place, even after all the terrible things that had happened. _Chewie will keep him in line._

And as for Rey, well. She had the scarred old freighter. She could travel in it for a bit, or sell it for seed money. _It’s more than you started out with,_ she reminded herself. 

But still her heart was heavy, and they finished the food in silence. 

* * *

Ajan Kloss was, for a change, sunny when they landed, but the base was deserted, with nothing but bare spots and landing gear indentations to show where the Resistance had been. The exceptions were one nice little runabout that Ben hadn’t seen before...and one familiar, battered transport. 

_He’s still here._ Ben felt his depression lift a little at the thought of seeing Chewbacca again. He wanted to look over the _Falcon_ one more time, to try to remember without so much anguish, and he wanted to say a proper goodbye. 

And maybe beg for a ride. Rey had been quiet for days, and Ben had a sick feeling that he knew why. _She’s going to leave._

He couldn’t fault her for it, but the thought made him want to scream and break something. _Don’t leave me behind,_ he wanted to beg - to throw himself down in front of her in abject pleading. But that would only irritate her. 

_It’s up to you to do the decent thing._

They stepped out of the freighter into an unaccustomed hush. Ajan Kloss had never been particularly noisy - certainly nothing like Coruscant - but there had always been the hum of voices and engines. Now there was nothing but the breeze in the leaves, and the occasional cry of an animal. 

And the roar of an excited Wookiee. 

Chewbacca came down the _Falcon’s_ ramp at a trot, sweeping forward to grab Rey up in a hug. For the first time in days she was laughing, and Ben was grateful to his uncle for that on top of everything else. 

Trailing along behind Chewie was a very small, vaguely familiar droid. It rolled right up to Ben, cocking its head up to look at him even though Ben couldn’t see any visual sensors. 

“Hello,” Ben said, compelled, and the droid rocked back and forth. 

“I am D-O,” it told him. “I am waiting for Rey.” 

_“He snuck off the ship,”_ Chewie said, setting Rey gently down. _“Very stubborn.”_

“Who else is here?” Rey asked, glancing uneasily at Ben’s uncovered face. “There’s that other ship.” 

_“No one. Kaydel left it for you - she said something about ‘back pay’.”_ Chewbacca sounded amused. 

Ben, impressed, took a better look at its sleek lines. “It’s an old diplomatic model, isn’t it?” 

Chewie nodded. _“It’s seen better times, but it’s much better than that heap of bolts Poe assigned you.”_

Rey made a face. “Not going to argue.” 

Chewie snorted, and turned to Ben. _“So.”_

Ben swallowed. “I...I’m...Uncle, I’m sorry.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I should have said it before we left, and I don’t expect you to forgive me for - for any of it.” 

He waited, willing to accept whatever Chewie wanted to say to him. Chewie gave a thoughtful growl. _“But?”_

Ben shook his head. There was no excuse he could make, and he wouldn’t try. 

The heavy hand landing on his shoulder made his eyes fly open. _“That’s a good start,”_ Chewbacca told him, and pulled him into an embrace that had tears coursing down Ben’s face before he even drew another breath. 

_“You have much to make up for,”_ Chewie said softly, breath hot on the crown of Ben’s head. _“But you’ve chosen the right path.”_

Ben clung to his uncle, and wept. 

* * *

They said goodbye to Chewie just a few hours later; he had only lingered long enough to see them, and to hand over the Jedi texts and a few other things he’d been keeping for them. The hush that fell when the sound of the _Falcon’s_ engines died away seemed to press on Rey’s ears, and D-O’s mutters as he rolled off to investigate the runabout only emphasized the quiet. 

“I guess this is it,” Ben said, voice thin and strained. 

Rey’s heart dropped. She’d hoped...but it made sense. “You’re leaving?” 

He looked down at her, his face calm, but his eyes had that awful distant look Rey remembered from Kef Bir, when his life had been draining away. “It’s for the best, don’t you think?” 

Her throat knotted on something, a scream or a sob, she wasn’t sure which. Rey took a deep breath to force it down. “I guess. Do - do you want me to drop you somewhere, or - “ 

Ben shook his head. “I can take the freighter.” 

“Oh.” It made sense, Rey supposed. _No, wait, not so soon -_

Ben reached into his robe and came out with Leia’s saber, holding it out to Rey. “I don’t think I’ll be needing this. You’d better keep it.” 

She took it mechanically, hooking it on her belt next to Luke’s. “What - what about the bond?” 

Her voice sounded weak, almost desperate. Ben lifted one shoulder. 

“I think...if we leave it alone, it might fade. It’s been quiet for a while, anyway.” 

There was a certain bitter relief in knowing that her control had been enough, at least. “All right.” She almost couldn’t get the words out. 

Ben hesitated, then stepped a little closer. “I know this isn’t what you want, but may I just...? One last time.” He swallowed. 

Rey frowned at him, grief slightly distracted by puzzlement. “Just what?” 

His touch was so delicate. Ben’s fingers stroked her cheek, slid beneath to tilt her chin up the slightest fraction, and Rey let him, still baffled. 

The press of his mouth on hers burst like light across her senses, shocking Rey to stillness. Her mind seemed to go into a tailspin, swamped by sensation and too astonished to form words. It was like Exegol, only _better_ \- 

And it stopped. 

Ben lifted his head, leaving her stunned; the shine on his cheeks, she saw dazedly, was tears. 

“Thank you,” he said, hardly more than a whisper. “Goodbye, Rey.” 

He turned, trudging away towards the freighter with his head hanging low, and it took _way_ too long for the realization to form. 

_That wasn’t disgust!_

Ben was already halfway to the freighter, and picking up speed, as if he could no longer bear to linger. Memory ran wild through her mind, and Rey flung up one hand, serving Ben as he had once served her and freezing him in place. 

She darted forward to catch up, yanking him around to face her, and let go her control of their bond, throwing it open as wide as she could. Everything she felt flooded through it, all the longing and the love, the frustration and hope and terror, and as Ben’s gaze met hers she felt _his_ control go. 

The emotions that rushed back to her vanquished the fear. 

Ben staggered as Rey let him go, then again as she threw herself at him, one arm clutching at him and the other fist pounding furiously against his chest. “You were going to _leave,_ ” she raged, and Ben’s arms caught her up off her feet, holding her so tightly she almost couldn’t breathe. “You were going to leave me _alone._ ” 

“Rey. _Rey._ ” Ben folded himself around her, trembling, and she could hear the sobs catching in his chest. “I won’t, I won’t - “ Anguish and adoration, pain and doubt and a burgeoning, disbelieving joy poured through the bond, and Rey lost her anger in it, reaching up to kiss him again and again and again, and to banish that doubt. 

His smile, she found, was still beautiful. 

* * *

The fire Rey built was large enough to send spits of flame up towards Ajan Kloss’ rich spread of stars. “I like to watch it,” she’d said a little defensively when Ben had found her piling up wood, but he’d simply fetched her some larger logs, surreptitiously using the Force to dry them and drive out the tiny creatures nesting in the wood. 

Now it crackled and occasionally hissed, its heat just enough to take the edge off the night’s chill. D-O had settled down outside of spark range, apparently as fascinated as Rey by the dancing light. 

Ben was fascinated by _her._

He dragged a low lounge chair out of the runabout and positioned it next to the fire. “Why sit on the hard ground if we don’t have to?” he said to Rey’s questioning look. 

She laughed. “Coreworlders, you’re all soft,” she said, teasing gently, and Ben sat down sideways, holding out a hand. 

“Practical,” he corrected. “Come sit with me?” 

He meant to pull her into his arms so he could hold her close, but Rey rose and came around behind him, swinging a leg over the back of the chair so that she could drape herself around him instead. 

Ben wasn’t in the least inclined to argue. He leaned back into her warmth without shame, feeling an old, old tension loosening as her arms crossed over his chest; the sense of _belonging_ was so strong that he had to blink away a blur in his vision. He put his hands over hers, lacing their fingers together and wishing he could freeze time just as it was, to keep the moment forever. 

They’d talked it out earlier, wrapped so closely together that they could almost whisper, too vulnerable and relieved to part. All the stupid misunderstandings, the pain of it - Ben shuddered a bit at the memory, and Rey tugged him a little closer. 

“Are you okay?” she said softly, and Ben smiled, lifting one of her hands to his mouth for a brief kiss. 

“I’m fine. Just - processing.” 

“Mm. Me too.” He felt the rub of Rey’s cheek against his hair. “Ben...what are we going to _do?_ ” 

Ben shifted just enough to press another reverent kiss to her shoulder. “Whatever we want.” 

Rey laughed. “This is...very strange. In a good way.” 

Her wonder and contentment moved through the bond, slow and sweet, and so new that Ben had to rein in the impulse to turn in her arms and draw her into a hug. _My life was shadowed, but at least I grew up safe._

The rift between Ben and his parents had been very real, and he wasn’t going to discount that, but Rey had been alone in ways Ben had never suffered. Silently, privately, he vowed she would never be alone again. Bond or no bond, she _had_ chosen him; he would never truly be worthy of her, but he would do all he could just the same. 

The mere thought made him happy. That was the part that astonished _him_. 

Rey sighed, her breath warm against his crown. “I love you,” she said quietly, and then a pulse of amazement ran through her and into him. “I’ve never said that before.” 

Just a few hours prior, believing her would have been impossible. Now, Ben’s ears hummed and his throat knotted with a painful, blossoming joy, words from without meeting the knowledge from within and crushing any last vestige of doubt. Restraint vanished; he rolled over in Rey's arms until he could pull her into his own, burying his face in her throat. Too overwhelmed to meet her eyes, he formed the words against her skin, over and over. 

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you -_

The joy rang like a bell, enveloping them both, far too much to contain. Rey held him tightly, and Ben locked his grip and hung on. _Don’t let go._

 _Never,_ Rey told him, and he believed her. 

* * *

_Epilogue_

“It’s past time you two settled down.” Rose looked around the house Rey and Ben had chosen, clean lines and wide windows that looked out on rolling hills of golden grass. “Twenty years of running cargo, plus all those clandestine rescue missions I definitely don’t know about, should be more than enough for anyone.” 

Ben shrugged and handed her a cup of wine. Outside, he could see Rey leading Finn to the outbuilding that housed her workshop, to show off her latest project. Behind them, D-O circled BB-8 at a fast clip, the two no doubt exchanging the latest gossip. “It was starting to pall a bit.” 

Maybe not the rescues, but it was getting harder to stay unrecognized these days, and they’d both agreed it was time to do something else. 

“Mm.” Rose sipped, sighing in appreciation. “Me too. I finally got Poe to let me retire. Three terms as a Senator is more than enough.” 

Ben smirked, amused. “He’s never going to quit, is he?” 

“Probably not.” Rose shrugged, unconcerned. “But we made a good start; if he wants to keep an eye on things, more power to him.” 

Ben raised his own cup in a toast to that, stepping closer to the window to watch Rey just a bit longer. 

“It’s funny,” Rose went on behind him, sounding casual. “The First Order’s long gone, but every time someone brings up the fact that the last Supreme Leader up and vanished, Poe starts talking loudly about how he _personally_ saw the body of Kylo Ren after Exegol, so clearly the man is no threat.” 

Ben stiffened, almost afraid to turn. _I guess they were going to figure it out sooner or later._ “Well. Technically it’s true.” 

Rose chuckled, and a hand on his arm brought him around. “It’s the past,” she said gently. “Even anger wears out. Ben Solo, now...he’s a good man. We’d all swear to it.” 

Ben dipped his head. A pulse of concern along the bond had him returning reassurance, and he cleared his throat. “Thank you.” 

Rose tapped her cup to his. “Keep being happy,” she told him. “Now come on. I want to see what Rey’s building.” 

They stepped out into the gilded day, and Rey emerged from her workshop, her gaze meeting Ben’s across the space and the bond lighting up with familiar, beloved delight. 

Ben smiled, and went to her. 


End file.
